Bad Girl

I'm sorry Sis! I'm a bad little sister. I went to the lake after work and didn't even call to let my sister know where I was until after 9 this evening! Oooops...with everything going on in the world today, no wonder she was worried about me. :-( I'M SORRY! I feel so bad. I honestly didn't plan on staying that long. Was just gonna meet up with Gunner, take a dip, and come home. Next thing I know...I should know better than to think I'm going to spend less than 2 or 3 hours anywhere near water. I love water. So...I'm getting the silent treatment. But for once in my life, I completely understand. I get worried about her if she's even 15 minutes late getting home from work...much less 3 or 4 hours!! I'd be freaking out too. Next time I'll call immediately. :-P My question for today is: how can you enjoy being with someone, and want to spend time with them, but know that you're still way too much in love with someone else? I gave my heart away a long time ago, and I never really got it back. So how could I ever give it to someone else? I just hope and pray I don't end up hurting this poor boy, because in spite of some of his little...immature tendencies, he is really, genuinely good to me. AND he says he'll paint my toenails. First guy who's EVER said that. We'll have to see. Yesterday made 8 months since Bobby died. And odd that I came across this quote again...No final words were spoken, no time to say goodbye. You were gone forever, and only God knows why. Eight months down, and a lifetime to go. No closer to understanding anything now than I was then. Just...moving on. The way I see it, the best thing I could do for Bobby's memory now is to make sure that I live my life to the fullest and never take anything for granted or let things go unsaid, thinking there'll always be tomorrow. There might not be. Miss you forever, Bob, and I'll love you all my life.

The Hardest Thing

...the hardest thing I've ever had to do...is holding him, and loving you. Ok, so maybe it's not THE hardest, but it's definitely not easy. If only you hadn't said you'd paint my toenails...

Questions

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY ASHLEY!!! I've been thinking about something long and hard for the past 36 hours or so...is it that I don't want a romantic relationship as bad as I thought I did, or is it that I just don't want one with this guy? There are just things about him that aren't clicking for me, but then, there are some things that do. This is the only guy I've ever found who actually said 'yes, I will paint your toenails. I'll paint your fingernails too. Whatever you want me to do.' But there's just no...spark, no real desire or whatnot. I guess I'll give it a little while longer to see if it appears. But I can't give it too long, or I run the risk of this guy possibly falling for me...without me there to catch him. And I know how that feels all too well. I don't want to do that to someone else. What to do, what to do...

Cheers

T, that was a GREAT cheer for me in that one comment! Thanks! I can always count on my CHEERING SECTION!!

I am NOT coming to your house...

Dude...your dog thinks he's a cat, your daughter thinks she's a DOG, your son thinks he's a GIRL, and your other daughter thinks she's a BOY...what is going ON at your house???

Walk you down the WHAT??

Your dad wasn't going to come to your wedding because you didn't ask him to walk you down the BOULEVARD??? Ummmm...wasn't aware that we had one, but ok. YOU BIG DORK. Yeah, yeah...I'm well aware that i'm half deaf and only catch every 3rd word and even then I hear things that aren't being said. Hmmm...how YOU doing? This is my post, and I'm gonna put whatever I damn well please on it. And as for what others think of my webpage, thankly my dear, I don't give a damn. TIFF!! Your son is SO going to be the next RuPaul! Nothing like a 4-year old boy wearing a grass skirt and Tinkerbell dress shoes! Hmmm...could be interesting.

Who are you???

Ok, whoever keeps posting anonymously to my webpage, STOP IT. If you can't be man enough to take credit for your own words, then stop hiding behind the anonymous thing. I can fix that easily enough though. Set this thing to reject anonymous posts. But anyway, these so-called "friends" of mine that you seem to think are showing me that they need me and 'respect' me in their own little way are being very disrespectful. One only called me when he wanted laid, the other only called me when he wanted a ride somewhere, and the OTHER only called when the first 2 put him up to it so they could run their mouths in the background about my other friends. But then again, what the hell am I doing? I don't need to explain myself to anyone, least of all YOU, whoever you may be. I don't have to make excuses or justify why I do what I do. And I won't. If you don't like it, stop reading my webpage, and stop posting. Simple as that. There are a freaking million other websites to read...I'm sure I won't miss you if you go away.

"That" person

Sooo...in response to whoever posted on my webpage earlier, are you saying I should continue to let them treat me like crap and continue to bail them out each and every time, year after year? For your information, I neglected to put on here (it was long enough, as you see) that I did have the decency to check and make sure that yes, he had other transportation home if needed. He just wanted ME to do it, because I always do it. Good ole me. Can always count on her, no matter how we treat her! I AM "that" person. If he had no other way home, and seriously needed me, I would've done it...just like the 4,367 times before that I've gone out in the middle of the night. I've even put up with being harassed by cops in the middle of the night when I go out to go to the bar to get him because they think I'M the one who's been out drinking and is now driving. I AM his friend; he's just not going to walk all over me anymore. None of them are.

Knock Yourself Out

Happy Birthday Kinsley! Happy Birthday Amber! And Happy Father's Day to all the GOOD dads out there. Miss mine a lot right now. I've come to the conclusion that I'll never find a guy as awesome as my daddy, and no one will ever love me like that again (see 5/23 post). Yes, JJP, I AM living life. That's what it's for, after all. FRENCH KISSING LIFE! :-) And Tiff...I think I might actually LIKE this guy. Or I know I COULD very easily like him...a LOT. Think I'm just gonna give it up and go with it and see what happens. And Friday night in general seriously changed things for me. I realized that most of the guys in my life treat me like shit until they want something! And I've let them! Last night I got really fed up and just walked out the door. And of course Goob called at something till TWO THIS MORNING wanting me to come get him! I THINK NOT. I'm not letting them walk all over me anymore. He knew he was driving...shoulda never gotten that drunk. And I thought he was trying to give his mom part of his liver??? How the HELL is he gonna do that when he's drinking it to death?? Oh well. Not my problem, not anymore. I've moved on to someone who has the potential to be SO much better than any of them could dream of. Taylor, I'm using you on my webpage. What you sent me last night was great. This is Taylor's message: Few experiences are more painful than fall in love with someone who couldn't care less. We get over it--most of us--and it never, well, almost never, does us serious damage. But while we're suffering, we suffer intensely. It's hard to think about anything else; we can't do our work. Food, if we bother to eat it, is tasteless. We find ourselves staring into space, missing everything going on around us. Worst of all, we're likely to do something so foolish that we make matters even worse. But you never know how it will all turn out. In the most painful moments, when you think that thins can't possibly get any worse, they very well might...or they might, surprisingly, turn around.

HEAVEN

Ok, so I was wrong. WAAAAAAY wrong. OMG. I can die happy now. Last night was freaking AWESOME!!! I'm in love. lol. Seriously though. It was a lot of fun. I got molested in a GOOD way. I could stand being molested like that allll the time. And I've got some strange bruises...? Well ok then. Works for me. JJP, they were NOT over-steroided (is that a word? it is now!) and they were NOT gay. And I can't talk. I've screamed myself into silence...ahhhhhhhh...gotta love it. And Good Times after Chippendales was a lot better last night. I actually met someone...lmao...hmmm...don't ask me to remember what his name was. But dude looked SO familiar. I KNOW him from somewhere. Please tell me he's not a client! I gave him my #, so I guess we'll see when he calls. He's younger than me, but he was actually the most well-behaved guy in the place. He's about the only one who didn't molest me. So of course that scored a lot of points with me. Yesterday and last night in general really helped. I think I'm finally letting go of both my addiction and my bad habit. And the Chippendales emcee guy said something very true...can't remember ALL of it...had a LOT of Blue Balls and Bud Light last night, but the general thing was that if your man isn't doing it for you, get rid of him. They're like buses...another one will come along in 20 minutes. I honestly feel like a totally different person. For now, anyway. Haven't seen or talked to either of them, so we'll see how it all shakes out. But as far as my bad habit, I think I'm making excellent progress. I've moved from hating him and wanting to rip body parts of to working on forgiveness and getting to the point where I don't hate him, but I don't love him anymore either. If I ever did in the first place...that's not even important now anyway. Whatever I felt, whatever it was, over, done, end of story. Move on to the next book...which I would LOVE to be titled SHAWN CASEY. lmao...TIFF!!! I slow danced with your MARINE guy! He twirled and dipped me and everything! DAAAAAAAAANG...November, we are SO doing that again. lol. I gotta go find my own Shawn Casey. Something about that one...I definitely wanted. And he was even short! What's wrong with me?? I don't even like short guys! lol. Ok, I'm going back to bed to dream some more about them. ;-)

Be Honest...

Ok, I have a new obsession. It's a new book! It's called Be Honest: You're Not That Into Him Either. We are in SO much trouble with me reading these 2 books. Nobody will be that into anybody!!! :-P But I found out that brain scans of people in love are similar to those of drug addicts!! No wonder we all act so crazy. And that like some drugs, to get someone out of your system, you have to quit COLD TURKEY. That's always been my main problem. Very hard to do...hence the ADDICTION. But it can, and has been done. Tiff!!! Friday!!! Chippendales!!! Got the tickets!! Get ready!! I need a Dr. Pepper...I SHOULD BUY A BOAT!!!

The Carolina Kind

There's just something...he came walking out of that Texaco, George Strait blaring out of his Silverado...there's just something, you know the type...Southern boy sweet as the jasmine on a hot, thick summer night...kisses that linger a long long time...long after they're gone, they stay on my mind...someone my daddy woulda liked...the Carolina kind...i've fallen for a city boy or two...I've been held in the arms of an Armani suit...but I've come to learn that ain't me...yeah, I wanna hang out on a tailgate on a Saturday night...I wanna whisper that I can't wait to the man again tonight...gentle as the warm breeze whispering through the pines...that's the Carolina kind.

Are you ok??

ASS something, Tiff? Well, lately, I've had nothing TO ASS, but I'll ASS something when I'm good and ready. Are we going out tonight? Chaney's leaving me for a week! That's gonna be weird. Just me and Eeah here...we're never going to get along. And JJP...whatever works for you. Not my place to judge anybody about anything. If it makes you happy...life is too short to deny yourself happiness, whatever and wherever that may be (well...so long as it's not illegal and dangerous!), so have fun. I need my head examined. For so many reasons. I've been thinking about going back to school!!! I've even requested information from places about their classes and stuff. GREAT. More debt. I'm going to see if there's not a way I can take some of the lower level classes that I need here, then...whatever. Ok, I'm hungry. And I can't believe I'm up this early!! I fell asleep at 8 something last night and didn't get up till almost 8 this morning. Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaang. Ok then.

Addicted...to...?

My question of the night is one I just heard on TV...can you be addicted to a person? Given what I've gone through the past 5 years, I'm inclined to say HELL YES at this moment. Kinda funny, given that he even told me a week ago I was addicted to him! Now I hear stuff about addictions everywhere! Tiff, I'm telling you, whether he was filling us a helluva line of shit or not, it will definitely PAY to have the chief on our side and LIKING US. DO NOT KNOCK IT. It could get us out of some shit later...and we alllllllllll know how trouble LOVES us. :-P It wasn't so bad. Not as bad as that root canal I hafta have next month. Could be worse. Coulda been Gigolo Man, Tractor Boy, Gomer Pyle, or the Oscar Mayer Wiener Dog. Thank GOD Gigolo Man and Tractor Boy have found someone else to make miserable. Maybe now I can get on with my life IN PEACE. Doubt it. Come August, he'll flip out again. He's so predictable in some ways. :-P Ok, I go bed now.

Good Times...???

Not sure whether Good Times was good or not. It was interesting, definitely, but felt more like a meat market than anything. It's one thing for the guys to flirt with you and buy you drinks...totally another when they start grabbing you and molesting you. That was totally uncalled for. I had a good time, for the most part, but you know something's wrong when you're overwhelmed by this urge to take your rings off, turn them around, and stick them on your ring finger. Even worse when you actually do it and THAT DOESN'T HELP. I did win a dance thingymajig, and got a free ticket to a male stripper show thing coming up next month, so that was definitely a plus. I don't know Tiff...will we be doing that again? I'm still kinda undecided. But you know though, taking Big D wasn't so bad. It may have saved us from a lot worse. So I'll have to say it was kinda nice having him along. And so, in all my goofy glory, I have a question: how come only your fingers and toes get wrinkly in the shower and nothing else does? I don't get it...

Hot DOG!

So...have YOU ever chucked a hot dog down a hallway? Hmmm...I'm still debating that one. I'm inclined to say YES at this moment. I'm coming to the fast conclusion that I'm getting mean in my old age. Been saying things to people that I would've never thought of saying before. Not that I don't mean them and feel them, but before I just wasn't quite that assertive. And some of it's kinda harsh. Well?!?! Treat me right and give me the respect I deserve and we won't have that problem, now will we? Tiff, I am DEFINITELY looking forward to some "GOOD TIMES" tomorrow! Better live up to the name, is all I have to say about that. What's the difference between a bad habit and an addiction? 'Cause I think I have both...is that possible? Well, whatever. In my little world IT IS. :-)

Standing Tall

Everything I've tried to do for you has always turned out wrong. It took a lot of love inside of me to keep me here this long. It's too late to dim the lights again, expecting me to crawl, 'cause tonight I'm gonna leave you, and I'm leaving standing tall. If I could see inside your mind, I wonder what I'd find. There's something there that's made me come oh so close to losing mine. The tallest tree will sometimes bend, but that don't make it fall. I'm packing up to leave you, and I'm leaving standing tall. Now I'm picking up the pieces of a heart that you've been breaking. And I'm down on my knees just to try to find them all. But when I get up, one long last look is all that I'll be taking. Tonight I'm finally leaving...and I'm leaving standing tall. ~Lorrie Morgan