Sunday, February 26, 2006

Moving...and moving on.

If nothing else, these past couple of months have really made me think of the past. Where my life's going...moreso, where it's been. I can't say I've had a bad ride. It has definitely been a trip.

I've read a few books, wrote a few songs, looked at my life...where it's going, where it's gone.

I've had a good life. Ups and downs, sure...who doesn't? But I'm a better person for it. They made me...me. Most of them I wouldn't trade for anything. I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

Some of it's magic, some of it's tragic, but I had a good life all the way.

I find myself sitting here, having uprooted my life YET AGAIN, thinking about the guys in my past, mostly. My friends have come along for the ride, but the guys are now just distant, sometimes vague memories. The Marks and the Lances, the Gunners and the Wades...every woman should have them. In some cases, every woman HAS had them, but...did I say that? Ooops...I don't know what course God has set me on; it's not for me to know. Just trust my captain, hold on tight, and enjoy the ride.

~Every woman should have one old love she can see herself going back to...and one who reminds her how far she's come.

Sometimes it hurts, sure. I wonder why, but sometimes things are bettr than I could've dreamed. And that is what stays with you. Those moments are the ones that make it all worthwhile. Those moments are what keeps me going, hoping...dreaming.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

thank you Dale Jr!

I have to thank Dale Jr for my GREAT day today...lol...as much sense as that makes. I had a dram about him last night. A really good dream, and it just really helped me have a great day today. And for all you perverts out there, NO, it was NOT a sexual dream in any way. It was just a really good dream. And I'm not sharing it. Certain things a girl just wants to keep to herself. But I will say this: the whole way to work I'm chanting this silent prayer along the lines of: Dear God, if there is ANY way in this big ole world that would EVER happen, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let it happen, and soon. This was what you would've heard in my car all the way down the interstate. :-P I'm thinking wow...whatever I ate or thought or said or did before I went to sleep, I want to do that every night from now on! It was definitely interesting, and an awesome dream. Granted, sometimes my dreams don't make one iota of sense, but this one made perfect sense and just reinforces the notion that 'a dream is a wish your heart makes'. OH, HOW I WISH! lol.

Now, completely off that subject, I hope you all had a nice VD...thanks Jay, for that 'LOVERLY' way of putting it. I got a box of chocolates from the little stud at work. Ashley swears she called that one...and she did...but I know my luck. I never saw it coming. I refused to let myself get my hopes up for anything spectacular to happen that day, so that way there was no disappointment, like I've made the mistake of doing in years past. And whaddya know? Sometimes the things you least expect to happen happen in the most unexpected places with the most unexpected people. I had a smile on my face the rest of the day from that little gesture. Amazing how little it takes to please me, isn't it? But then, chocolate ALWAYS works. Can't go wrong with that! I LOVE it.

Alright, I just thought I'd post since I hadn't in awhile, so I'm going to bed now. Gotta get up, finish packing, go to work, then drive 2 hours to my sister's after work. Yay me! And watch it freaking SNOW.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Only time...

Once upon a time, there was an island where all the feelings and attributes lived: Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all of the others, including Love. One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink, so all prepared their boats and left the island.
Love was the only one who stayed behind. You see, Love wanted to wait until the last possible moment before leaving.
The island was almost sunk, and Love decided to ask for help. Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat.
Love said, "Richness, can you take me with you?"
Richness answered, "No, I can't. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no place here for you."
Love decided to ask Vanity, who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel, "Vanity, please help me!"
"I can't help you, Love. You are all wet and might damage my boat," Vanity answered.
Sadness was close by so Love asked for help. "Sadness, let me go with you."
"Oh...Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself!"
Happiness passed by Love too. Happiness did not hear the cry for help, for Happiness was so happy.
Suddenly, there was a voice, "Come Love, I will take you." It was an elder. Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that Love forgot to ask the elder's name.
When they arrived at dry land, the elder went on its way. Love, realizing how much it owed the elder asked Knowledge, another elder, "Who helped me?"
"It was Time," Knowledge answered.
"Time?" asked Love, "But why did Time help me?"
Knowledge smiled with deep Wisdom and answered,


"Because only Time is capable of understanding how great Love is."

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Journaling

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAUL! Have your bones started fossilizing yet? Dang, you're old.

I like journaling. I love putting my thoughts, feelings, and ideas out there. But it's gotten me hurt in the past when it's been used against me. As a result of that, I find I now write very cryptically so that most people don't know who or what I'm talking about. That way no one can hurt me again. But it still hurts me. I can't get it all out like I want and need to, and when I go back to read it later, even I sometimes have no idea what was going on in my head. Travis tried to get me out of doing that, and I swear I tried, but after him I found myself being, if possible, even more cryptic than before. I feel like I have no one I can talk freely with about what's going on with me to help get things off my chest. Hell, the person who's supposed to be my best friend in the world...I can't even talk to her anymore. Not the way I used to. If and when I do talk to her, I find myself watching the things I say. And she said moving wouldn't change anything. My big ass it didn't. Besides, she's got her own world of problems she's dealing with...she sure as crap doesn't need the burden of mine. Everyone comes to me to talk, for advice, to get things off their chests...where does the therapist go?

Sunday, February 05, 2006

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

HAPPY 11TH BIRTHDAY BABY GIRL!!! I LOVE YOU!

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Groundhog Day

That dumb ole groundhog saw his shadow today...it was the front passenger side of my tire. >:) Soooo...there WILL be 6 more weeks of winter...but not for that little bastard. I fixed that.