We Remember

True heroism is remarkably sober, very undramatic. It is not the urge to surpass all others at whatever cost, but the urge to serve others, at whatever cost. ~Arthur Ashe

Thank you.

It's a miracle!!!

Congratulations Taylor DeAnne! You actually made it! I'm so proud of you. It's a miracle! You survived Braham! And Ashley, as for you, I'm offended. I am NOT a child molester! He's 20, he's legal! And daaaaang, was he HOT. I definitely would make an exception to my 'no more than 3 years younger' rule. He definitely made graduation a little less boring, looking at that fine specimen sitting down in front of us. Tiff, hope tonight's as fun as the last time was. Could definitely be more interesting, in any case. If they ever let me leave here! Although, I am waiting on something very important...FOOD. I'm starving! And hey...it's free. Heaven knows I'm broke enough. Never thought that having a MASTERS DEGREE would mean that I would STILL be struggling. It's insane. But I guess most people don't start out on top right out of school...just thought it'd be better than it is. But anyway...I smell FOOD. Catch you later!

do you trust me?

Tiff, I tell you...DON'T TURN YOUR HEAD FOR A SECOND. They can't be trusted. They are hellions. ALL of them. Your life as you know it is OVER. Deal with it. The real question is...can I learn to trust him? Or anyone, for that matter? I even have trust issues with my family! But I'm finally taking my own advice and writing. Getting everything out...sort of. BARING MY SOUL. Oh, Heaven help us. I'm even writing letters to the ones who made me this way. Good grief, no, not ALL of them. Just a select few. There are about 3 from my past that I can think of who still have more of a hold on me than they deserve. So...I'm writing myself letters to exorcise the demons! And amazingly, I feel so much better...for now. Next full moon might change that. lol. I mean, come on...last night I told my kid to put her jacket on and take a bath! Not exactly how I meant it, but I had 2 thought processes kicking at once, and they just kind of collided. Oh well. She already knows I'm crazy. She told me that yesterday while we were at the store! So my question of the day is...can your sinuses explode?

No one'll ever love me

You taught me how to whistle, and how to tie my shoes...and how to talk to Jesus in the darkness of my room. Growing up, I remember your amazing grace. I still feel your arms around me now and then. I can still hear you saying you're proud of me, I miss you waving from the front door. I can't drive by there anymore....'cause no one'll ever love me like that again. I love you and miss you very much.

One More Day

Went to visit Bobby's grave today. It's the first time I've been there since the headstone was finally put in. Made it all a little too real. Not like it wasn't anyway, but you know what I mean. I just sat there talking the wind, wishing so much I could tell him all the things I wanted to tell him, instead of sitting there talking to his name on a stone. I've always heard that God does everything right, but some things I'll never understand. I know there are some things that are out of our control, and some things only God can decide, but I still can't quite believe he's gone. My heart won't stop saying that Bobby shouldn't be laying in that cemetery. He should still be with us, laughing, joking, carrying on, spending time with his family and friends, racing...a man passed me in a truck Thursday evening as I was leaving work who could've been his twin. I got cold chills all over. I can still hear his voice saying GIT R DONE! Guess I always will. But that's ok. I cherish each and every one of those memories, especially now, because there will never be any new ones to make. I thought it was eerily appropriate that as I pulled into the cemetery today One More Day came on the radio. I know I'm definitely not alone in wishing for one more day with him. But of course, nobody gets that. Life doesn't work that way. I'm just grateful that I got to be a part of his life at all, if only for awhile. Thank you for letting me in. Rest in peace and GIT R DONE! We'll love you all our lives.

Soco Amaretto Lime

Very interesting title for a very interesting song. But I like it anyway. I don't really have much of anything to say at this moment...really. Imagine that! Enjoy the peace and quiet while you can...I'm warning you. Can you turn dyslexic by hitting your head? Tiff knocked herself stupid yesterday, and is now talking ass backwards. It's rather amusing, really. :-P Got my hair cut today. Wow. Big news. It'll last a whole 2 days before I'm like, screw it, whatever. I put a new weather thing on my little taskbar, instead of Weatherbug, and apparently this thing is hi-tech. It was storming here something awesome yesterday, and it took me an hour and a half to figure out that the thunder I was hearing every so often from my speakers was from my weather thingy! It was blinking red and thundering! lol. That's kinda cool...coulda warned me first! I was looking all over going...wtf? Why is my computer thundering??? I'm sure I had a nice look on my face too. But ok, I've got things to do and no motivation or time to do them. Guess I might as well do one of them and get it over with. I have a question to leave you with though...where did the concept of stars having 5 points come from? Aren't the stars in space just...well, balls of gas and stuff? They don't have 5 little perfect points! Where we get that? Please enlighten me. J...I love you like a fat kid loves cake!

Love your memory...

And while I'm at it, and while I'm thinking of someone I really shouldn't be thinking about, I thought I'd share this song by Miranda Lambert with you, called Love Your Memory...kinda reminds me him. I don't want to see you or feel you; I don't want to look into your eyes. I don't want to touch you or miss you...I just wanna love your memory tonight. I can't handle all this pain; all we ever do is fight anyway. Why we even tried, I haven't a clue. With hearts involved there's way too much to lose. You were something else to look at. Your intentions, they weren't all bad. You tried to make me something I wasn't...Lord knows there ain't no future in all that. But it was fun, and while it was good, it was very good. But we both knew from the start it wouldn't ever last. Which again...why we even tried, I haven't a clue. But it definitely made me evaluate another relationship of mine, and made me realize more than ever how incredibly important someone else is to me. It took very nearly losing him for me to see that...and I don't ever want to feel that feeling again. So I guess I should thank him for making me wake up. Granted, I knew this person meant a lot to me, just didn't have a clue how much until I thought I'd lost him. But in the end, it only made us stronger. So...thank you. For more than you could possibly know.

Jager Bomb...ed

Tiff...for the most part, Saturday night was GREAT! We should definitely do that again...well...leave a certain SOMEONE out, and we will, that is. Did that chick seriously think we were lesbians? Hmmm...guess she had a good reason to, huh? :-P OH WELL...like I keep saying...they're gonna talk, might as well give them something to talk about. But we did get free clothes out of the deal...sort of. Even though I got freaking URKEL thongs. Oh well. It's the thought that counts. Next Saturday? Let's put the CROWN on the weekend, shall we?

Well ok then...

What a way to start a Friday the 13th! I woke up, stepped out of bed and onto a bee. Didn't think much of it at the time...still my foot started burning and swelling and it started spreading through my whole body. I had little red bumps (welts? I don't know! Never had a reaction before!) all over my body, especially the left side--I stepped on the bee with my left foot. Started feeling woozy and felt like someone was sitting on my chest, so I called work and they told me to go to the ER instead of coming in. Brilliant! So...the ER people shot me twice in my ass...OUCH! I have bruises! Came home and pretty well passed out for most of the rest of the day...and evening...and night. I was up on and off. Like I said, I had no clue I was allergic! I was stung every day as a child by some sort of bee, usually yellow jackets, and never had a reaction. Could it be that I'm allergic to wasps? I can't remember the last time a wasp stung me, or even if I've ever been stung by a wasp. Hmmm...it's a mystery to me. But I'm ok, feeling much better today, except for my BRUISED ASS! Thanks for asking. :-P

Anything But Mine...

You know...it's not cool to be so completely head over heels insanely crazy about someone. That's only asking for trouble. Might as well stick a sign on me that says "break my heart please". But I can't stop. Don't know how. Done it for too long to quit now. Just gonna keep on going. With God as my witness, without a doubt, I'll love you tomorrow like I love you now. I can't believe Kenny freaking got married! OMG! Huh?!?! Where did THAT come from? Okkkkkkk then...Tiff, I'm serious. I give them 21 months, tops. :-P

Wanted: VALIUM

Ok, I know this is really bad of me, but people just piss me off lately! Especially this evening! I'm just in one of those moods where I want to rip someone's arm off, beat them to death with it, then cry because I did it...or something along those lines. I know that makes no sense whatsoever, but hey, most things I say and/or do make no sense to most people! I'm not pointing fingers or naming names, but I just feel very let down. Like I bend over backwards and try to help, but when I need the same done for me...whaddya know...nobody's around. Everybody's running off to their little lives. NOT that I needed help, really. Just needed...something. Still trying to figure out what, exactly. I'm just so far beyond aggravated it's ridiculous. And I really have no reason to be! Nothing happened for me to be this way. It's almost like I woke up from my little 30 minute nap this evening in this mood. This happened the other day too, and I tried to do something that I really regret now while in that mood. So glad that it didn't work out. That would have SUCKED having to see that one. A simple solution would be to quit taking naps...but I LOVE my naps! And I don't always wake up like that. This is only the 2nd time that's happened. But it's getting worse. I'm 10x more irritated now than I was the first time. HELP! What is wrong with me??? And how do I make it stop?

One Moment More...

...give me just one part of you to cling to, and keep me everywhere you are. It's just enough to steal my heart and run, and fade out with the falling sun...let me have you, just one moment more. all i need, all i want, is just one moment more.

Lesson #4--pick up the damn phone!

Girls!!! If he's not calling you, it's because you're not on his mind. HJNTIY...I mean come on...who is THAT busy? So busy that he can't pick up the phone and go something like "hi, I can't talk right now, but I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you...didn't want you to think I didn't care." Yeah, Tiff, I know...might as well wish for the freaking moon. Guys aren't made that way unless they're in romance novels and soap operas. Those things should be BANNED...gives women false hope and expectations for guys. That's why no mortal man can ever live up to them, and why we're disappointed all the time! Ok, off the soapbox now, moving on. Tiff, I swear, the timing of that dream was just eerie. For the other 99% of you who aren't familiar, I was very frustrated and confused last night about mi vida loca, so I said a little prayer to God, asking Him to basically tell me which guy I should focus my energies on, which one I should pay attention to, etc...and I think I got my answer in the dream that followed. All I'll say is that it was one of the best dreams of my life, and I woke up so freaking happy it was scary. Now if only dreams come true...if any dream, other than the Dale Jr dreams, of course, were to ever come true, please please PLEASE let it be that one! :-)

Love is a battlefield!

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY TAYLOR!!!! I don't even WANNA know how you're celebrating, 'cause I KNOW you are. Just be careful and enjoy it! Lesson #3--life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with. Compliments, of course, of He's Just Not That Into You. :-)