French-kissing life...

Hello all. Haven't posted in a few days. Time flies when you're BURIED UNDER SNOW AND ICE. STOP wishing it on me! Take it back! Thinking about my life lately...where it's going, where it's gone...I know where I'd LIKE it to go--someplace WARMER with no WINTER! Jonathan, nobody wants me to let him go more than ME. It's a work in progress. Have you ever had an addiction? I've never been addicted to drugs, well, except for caffeine, but my biggest fault is that I get addicted to GUYS. Not sexually, but the actual guy. I don't know what it is, exactly. Having someone around, perhaps? I meet a guy, things go well for awhile, it falls apart, we go our separate ways, but like a magnet keep getting drawn back to each other. And I can't take all the blame...it goes both ways. We'll go for a week or so at times without speaking, then he'll call, saying he missed me and doesn't want to miss me anymore...then we'll try it again, then split up again...week or so goes by, then I'LL call and see how he's doing. It's a vicious cycle, and one I'm struggling to break. I will. It just takes time. It's a PROCESS. I mean, come on, I lost my parents. I had to let them go, and I survived it. I can let go of any man in my life easily. Just takes time. It always hurts when you lose something you wanted and someone you cared about. And I swear Lee Ann Womack's I May Hate Myself In The Morning was written for us. Every line in that song is SO true. But anyway, I'm half asleep, I think I've developed asthma...can't breathe, I feel like ASS, and I'm going to bed. Enjoy my rantings, and go french-kiss life before life slips you by. :-)

SNOW!

Ok...who wished all this snow on me? Whoever you are, I WILL GET YOU BACK. This SUCKS. There's like 8-10 inches of snow out there, and it's 5 degrees outside! This is nuts. Not cool at all. Well technically, it's VERY cool, but I HATE WINTER. Kenny Chesney has a new cd coming out on Tuesday, and there's a song on it I already love. The chorus goes "It wouldn't take much for me to up and run to another life somwhere in the sun". NO KIDDING. I agree completely. It's like I tell Tiff every day, if I thought I could make it right now, I'd leave in a heartbeat. Time's gonna come where I'm just gonna hafta take a chance, huh? It's a scary thing. Nobody ever knows if they're gonna make it or not...you just have to have faith that you will. But ok, like I said, it's 5 degrees here. I'm crawling back under my blanket. Just wanted to say hello and to tell whoever you are to STOP WITH THE SNOW ALREADY!!!!!!!!

How do you get that lonely?

How do you get that lonely? How do you hurt that bad? To make you make the call that having no life at all is better than the life that you have? How do you feel so empty you wanna let it all go? How do you get that lonely...and nobody know? I often wonder that in my line of work. How do people get so low, get to that point...without someone noticing? But they do...so very often. Anyway, JJP, if you read this, I PROMISE I'm going to email you! I keep meaning to, but life is going nuts. I think about you all the time. I'll write soon. So much I want to say, but I don't even know where to start. Oh well...guess you'll be getting another novel! It's all good. J...I don't see how you could ever be anything...but mine.

What looks like crazy...

...on an ordinary day. Ummm...that would be ME. I look like crazy every damn day. Anyway, spent the weekend at my sister's, which kinda sucked, but ok. I'm still trying to figure on on what planet she thought I might like to watch an 11-month old baby I don't even know all night, then drive home the next day. It was HER idea to go get him! And what does she do? SHE WENT TO BED AT 8pm. wtf? Yeah, not cool. In any case, the trip just completely sucked overall. Kinda glad to be home...even if home is HERE. Don't get me wrong. I love my family to death. I just don't have as much fun there as I used to. Don't know what happened. Oh well. That's life, I guess. In any case, American Idol is on, and I'm about to pass out from exhaustion. Gonna go watch it and go to bed. Hey J...the path isn't narrow; it turns and it twists...but I knew my future the first time we kissed.

My promise...

People come and go, people change their minds. People give their hearts and mean it at the time. A shift in the wind, for no reason why...and at the drop of a tear, someone says goodbye. But God as my witness, without a doubt, I'll love you tomorrow...like I love you now.

...in the worst way

...It's been 1,614 days since I found you. There ain't been a day that I haven't been glad these are my shoes. From the very first time that I ran into you, I knew I had something to lose, and I probably looked like a lovesick fool, but it was something I just had to do...in the worst way. Stay tuned...

He's Just Not That Into You

Yeah...possibly the most dangerous book I could've bought...but I did any damn way! I can't help it. This book is brutally honest and awesome. Tiff, you're so right. He's in so much trouble. I feel sorry for him. He thought he had it rough before...he ain't seen nothin' yet! ;-) But seriously, regarding what we talked about earlier...do you have any suggestions? I need an objective male opinion right about now. Unfortunately, I have none. I could ask Mark or Goob (if we were speaking), but they'd just bitch...Woody's apparently freaking in love with me, so that just wouldn't do, Logar will obviously take his side, and Roy just wouldn't understand. Jonathan...I know you read this, and you just might be my best hope. Be expecting an email from me. As soon as I figure out which end's up. lol. Not a whole lot's going on with me right now. Still haven't found my keys. Lost them on December 23rd, at Wal-Mart, no less. Yes, I do believe they've gone the way of the dodo bird. My memory loss is starting to worry me a good bit, though. I walked out of the school today, listening to my cell phone messages on my way to the car...got in the car, and hadn't even gotten out of the parking lot and had already lost my cell phone. I found it in the back passenger side floor of my car...now how'd that happen??? And yesterday, I brought a new UT decal downstairs to put on my car, sat it down, went into the kitchen, came back, and couldn't find it for anything. I was so mad. My sister ended up finding the damn thing. What is going on? I'm not really under that much stress. I've gotten used to juggling 2 jobs and this insanity that is my life. I don't know what's going on. I think the recent events have gotten to me more than I realize. Hope how soon it passes! This is pissing me off! It's very frustrating to constantly be losing and forgetting things, but not knowing how in the world to fix it. I hate feeling like I have no control over this. It sucks. I've gotten rid of the stressful...thing...in my life, that's history, but my memory hasn't improved. I don't get it, and I do not like it. Does anyone out there have any suggestions? HELP??? Please? And I've noticed I've been having a lot of headaches lately...but I think that's my sinuses. And speaking of sinuses...I never got nosebleeds before my surgery...now, I get nosebleeds! Not often, but still...GAH! Ok, took a sleeping pill...going to bed...crashing...night.

Return to Sender

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELVIS! The King would have been 70 years old today. WOW. You know, my 365 Reasons to Eat Chocolate calendar has a very interesting comment. If Elvis had eaten more chocolate and done fewer drugs, he would still be alive. Maybe, just maybe...he might. But of course, we'll never know. So me, I'm taking the chocolate route to test this theory. We already the drug route doesn't work so well. :-P And so...I'm going to go get ready for my night on the town in this little hellhole to celebrate The King's birthday. Only cause Tiff's making me. She better be glad I like her. She told me earlier she didn't like *chicks*, but that she liked me cause she doesn't see me as a chick! WTF am I then??? DORK.

Tomorrow's a Brand New Day

Well, it's FRIDAY! And although this week was considerably easier than others...no on-call, spent 4 days at the school...for some reason I am more drained and run down than usual. Don't get it. All I wanna do is sleep. I'll take a nap when I come home for 2 or 3 hours, get up, then be up half the night and be exhausted in the morning. I can't win, but I can't seem to break it. Even when I'm able to keep from taking a nap I'm still up half the night. I have no idea why. I think kids are just very draining. Sometimes more than adults. Drama drama drama. Granted, I love kids, but sometimes I just wanna scream. In other words, my life is doing a 180, and I have no room to talk about the kids' drama. I have PLENTY of my own. The person I had grown close to back in the fall has now drifted away, and the person who drifted away from me at that time is now getting closer again. I don't know whether to scratch my watch or wind my ass. And no, Tiff, I haven't called him yet...and I don't know if I'm going to. Yes, the voices in my head are fighting. Maybe that's why I'm so tired and my head hurts. It's exhausting to have yourself fighting...well...YOURSELF! lol. I'm a big dork. If this were a cartoon, I'd have one mini-me on my left shoulder, and one on my right, and they'd be just going at each other and tearing each other apart. My mind and my heart certainly seem to be doing that to me. In any case, I believe I'm going to go take something for my head and go to bed. What else is there to do? Maybe I should use this weekend to catch up on NORMAL sleep. But then...what is normal, anyway? Certainly not me! But...where's the fun in that???

Going out on a limb

Travis, I don't know if you even still read my webpage, but I wanted to tell you that as usual...you're right. It really is easier sticking with what you know than risk trying something new. I have something new right in the palm of my hand, and I'm scared to death to hold onto it. But the odd thing is...it's not me getting hurt that I'm scared of. It's me hurting him that really scares me. And I cannot shake the feeling that that's what would end up happening. So if I feel that strongly about something, and can't make it go away, that should be my first clue that something's not right...right? Still debating...my luck, I'll debate too long and that door will close. But if it doesn't feel right before it's even started, then maybe it shouldn't start at all. And since I'm typing this thing having just woken up and still half asleep on my way to bed, I really have no idea what all I've typed. :-P So I'm just gonna leave it at that and go to bed. Night!

The pitter patter of little feet

Calm down...it's not for me! I want to congratulate Jaclyn on her new little bundle of joy. She just found out today, and I'm extremely flattered to be the first person she told. Before she even told her fiance! lol...sweet. Girl, I do have to admit that while I'm immensely happy for you, I honestly don't wish I was in your shoes for a second. That'll be 4 kids under the age of 5! I'd shoot myself! And if you have twins like your sister, then that'll be FIVE kids under 5! Uh uh, no way. Couldn't do it. In any case, I'm glad this is good news for you, and I hope everything works out the way you want it to. Guess the pig was right, huh? Scary...my pig was the exact same way. NOT COOL. Maybe I should...just shut up and forget it. :-P Ok, I have a buttload of crap to do, so I guess I better get started. Just wanted to share my news...that's not even MY news...hmmm...yeah...

Amazing...

I found a quote in a magazine yesterday by 13 year old Mattie Stepanek, who passed away on June 22, 2004 from complications related to his muscular dystrophy. I had heard a lot about this little guy in the past, and when I read this quote he had written, I was just blown away. It's more insightful and intelligent than most adults I know have ever thought about being. This is what Mattie said: What matters most to me is that I wake up each day and take a breath. I appreciate watching the sun rise and set, knowing that they are gifts, not things to be assumed. Amazing. Click on Mattie's name at the top to go to the Muscular Dystrophy Association's webpage and read about this amazing little miracle who was taken from this world way too soon, yet still managed to make more of an impact than most of us ever will in a long, healthy lifetime.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year everyone! Hope it's a good one, and whatever you did last night, hope you made it home safely. Do you have a New Year's resolution? I do. And no, it's not to marry Dale Jr, although I'd take that one in a heartbeat. lol. My serious resolution came to me through one of my best friends last night. My resolution for this year is to be happy. I'm not happy, and I haven't really been happy since I moved back here. I realized it's time to stop waiting on something or someone to come along to make me happy, and take it upon myself to make that happen. I need to start practicing what I preach to my clients: don't depend on anyone else to make you happy; only you can make that happen. Anyway, I'm starving. Haven't really eaten in 2 days now. Been sick. Gonna go see if I can dig up something that my stomach can handle. Again, HAPPY NEW YEAR! Let me know your resolutions. I know you're reading my posts. I'm stalking you. ;-) So talk to me.