The Last Ten Years
Dear Daddy,
Tomorrow makes 10 years since God called you home. Ten whole years. Some days it feels like a lifetime, some days it only seems like a week. Whether it feels like 10 days or the 10 years it has been, I still hurt just as bad. There are days I miss you so much it hurts to breathe. Even the little things trigger all these emotions that just completely overwhelm me. Even now, after all this time, I'll see things that I would LOVE to tell you about, but can't. I know you're in a much better place, and I wouldn't want you back on Earth for all the money in the world, given all your suffering, but the pain of you being gone is almost unbearable some days.
I'm doing ok, in spite of myself. But I don't know who I am without you. And I say it every year, because every year passes and I still haven't figured it out. I'm still trying to figure out how to exist in this world where you don't anymore. I wasn't ready to let go then, and I still can't let go now. I can still feel your hands, still smell your aftershave. I can still feel you. You were the best father any little girl could've ever dreamed of having. I remember how I never wanted to get married because that meant I'd have to leave you, and well, that just wasn't going to happen. You were my hero. You ARE my hero. At the risk of soundy corny, you were the wind beneath my wings. I can't fly without you.
I remember praying so hard for so long, hoping God would let me keep you just awhile longer. And when it got really bad, I remember praying that God would just take you and end your suffering. I was holding your hand the night He did. For the first time in almost 22 years, that hand didn't hold mine back. That was the most heartbreaking thing of all.
You were my biggest fan, and Heaven knows I was yours. I still am. I'm thankful for every single second I had with you...every moment made me who I am. I just hope I made you proud. I love you. Forever.
Always,
Your little girl
Tomorrow makes 10 years since God called you home. Ten whole years. Some days it feels like a lifetime, some days it only seems like a week. Whether it feels like 10 days or the 10 years it has been, I still hurt just as bad. There are days I miss you so much it hurts to breathe. Even the little things trigger all these emotions that just completely overwhelm me. Even now, after all this time, I'll see things that I would LOVE to tell you about, but can't. I know you're in a much better place, and I wouldn't want you back on Earth for all the money in the world, given all your suffering, but the pain of you being gone is almost unbearable some days.
I'm doing ok, in spite of myself. But I don't know who I am without you. And I say it every year, because every year passes and I still haven't figured it out. I'm still trying to figure out how to exist in this world where you don't anymore. I wasn't ready to let go then, and I still can't let go now. I can still feel your hands, still smell your aftershave. I can still feel you. You were the best father any little girl could've ever dreamed of having. I remember how I never wanted to get married because that meant I'd have to leave you, and well, that just wasn't going to happen. You were my hero. You ARE my hero. At the risk of soundy corny, you were the wind beneath my wings. I can't fly without you.
I remember praying so hard for so long, hoping God would let me keep you just awhile longer. And when it got really bad, I remember praying that God would just take you and end your suffering. I was holding your hand the night He did. For the first time in almost 22 years, that hand didn't hold mine back. That was the most heartbreaking thing of all.
You were my biggest fan, and Heaven knows I was yours. I still am. I'm thankful for every single second I had with you...every moment made me who I am. I just hope I made you proud. I love you. Forever.
Always,
Your little girl
posted by ~kiley at
10:27 PM
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