Things that piss me off...ROUND ONE
ding ding...round one. Thank you Paul. This could prove to be very cathartic, getting all this pent-up irritation off my chest. Sad thing is, I'm getting a long list. I'll start with 10. And add more as the days progess, without question. Keep in mind that these are in no particular order, as each one infuriates me as much as the next. I like my dog more than most of the general population these days.
1. People trying every way in this whole wide world to get on disability. Can't be around people, gotta bad back, have anxiety attacks about work. Well, here's my advice. PUT ON YOUR BIG PEOPLE PANTIES AND DEAL WITH IT. Sure you can be around people; you're around PLENTY in Wal-Mart, aren't ya? Bad back my big butt...so why are you working out like you're trying to be the next Arnold Schwarzenegger, throwing around hundreds of pounds when you think nobody's looking? Nobody's going to believe you're in too much pain to work when you walk around looking like a freaking tank! I have anxiety attacks about work too, but mine revolve around going to work and having to deal with people like you.
2. APOSTROPHES!!! Seriously, how did you guys EVER graduate? I hate to burst your bubble, but every little plural word in the English language does NOT need an apostrophe between the singular word and the 's' that follows. In fact, NONE OF THEM DO! There was a store in Bluefield that I passed daily on my way to and from work. I wanted to go off on these people SOOO bad. The name of the store? Pet's and Thing's. Even the biggest car dealership there was guilty of it! Their bulletin on the freaking highway said they were the largest dealership "in the two Virginia's". HOLY CRAP. Go back to grade school and DO NOT COME OUT until you can punctuate correctly.
3. Emails. I swear, if I get another email telling me to enlarge certain body parts that I DON'T HAVE, I'm going to hunt the people down who are sending them and rip their arms off and beat them to death with them. Actually, probably not. I'd LOVE to send them every single useless piece of junk mail I can get my hands on though. I do get a lot of mail addressed to me as "Mr.", so it makes me wonder...but come on! Last time i checked, i had the OTHER parts. i've HAD the other parts for almost 30 years now!
4. White boys who think they're black. Seriously dude, YOU'RE WHITE. really pale ghostly white. poorly imitating ebonics, wearing your pants down around your knees and your baseball cap on all cock-eyed won't change that fact. you just look like an idiot. take all your little blingy crap off, pull your pants up, put a freaking belt on, and fix your stupid hat, or if that's too much for you, take the stupid thing off.
5. the neighbor who revs his engine every day for an hour. dude, really? gas is $3.29 a gallon, for starters. and unless it's a ferrari or a lamborghini, i'm not impressed. i'm annoyed. stop.
6. i already covered this in an earlier blog, but it bears repeating. PEOPLE WHO GOSSIP INCESSANTLY. i admit, i'm guilty of the occasional "holy crap, did you know...", but i have a life. that does not revolve around what everyone else is doing. and i really wish people would get a life that didn't revolve around what I'M doing. i'm not that interesting. really. i already told you, when i DO get married and have a baby, i'll take out a full-page ad in the paper for you people, since you seem so concerned with my life. until then, BUTT OUT. like the great hank williams said, if you mind your own business, then you won't be minding mine.
7. i know i'm guilty of having a little bit of a lead foot myself, but this next one is huge for me. it's people who drive too fast. now, i'll be the first to admit i used to think i was invincible and thought my car had wings when i was younger, but i mostly grew out of that. but when i'm going down the interstate with my family in the car, and we're doing 70, 75, and some idiot comes up and flies around me like i'm going BACKWARDS, that's just too much. that's just STUPID. do you have a death wish? i sure don't! going that fast to get wherever you're going isn't going to be worth it when you don't even make it! it's just careless, reckless, and puts everyone in danger. and i really don't appreciate you putting me and my family in danger just because you're in a hurry. leave earlier!
8. BUT, on the other side, i also have a huge irritation with people who drive too SLOW. i know the speed limit on the main roads here from one town to the next is 55. it's ok to do over FORTY. i promise. i REALLY hate people who do 40 on the curves when you can't pass them, but then speed up to like, 60 when you come to a straight stretch to make it almost impossible to pass them. and then, there are the ones who drive really really slow and keep slamming on their brakes trying to get you to rear end them so they can sue you and get money and get rid of their crappy cars. yeah, you do that. go riiiiiiiiiiight ahead. i can guarantee you're not going to like what's going to happen if one day you should succeed.
9. WELFARE. now, i have no problem at all with using it as a temporary solution if you have no other choice. that's what it's there for. but when it's month after month, year after year, and we're busting our butts working to pay taxes to support YOU, i have a HUGE problem with it. stop popping out the kids (there's a little something call birth control, people! you should try it!), stop taking your welfare checks and buying beer with it (or pills, in this town), and do something! stop complaining about being out of money at the end of the month. stop complaining about the government and your checks. you're lucky you live in a country where the government DOES this for you. if you don't like it, GET A JOB. get a job anyway. i'm tired of supporting you.
10. sperm donors. especially ONE in particular. that's all i'm going to say about this one. those of you who know me know EXACTLY what my thoughts are on this one.
so there you have it. round one. i'm about halfway through my list, but i thought i'd give you a break to let you process this one. as for me, i was right! i feel sooooooooooo much better. i'll be sleeping like a rock tonight! i should do this more often!!
1. People trying every way in this whole wide world to get on disability. Can't be around people, gotta bad back, have anxiety attacks about work. Well, here's my advice. PUT ON YOUR BIG PEOPLE PANTIES AND DEAL WITH IT. Sure you can be around people; you're around PLENTY in Wal-Mart, aren't ya? Bad back my big butt...so why are you working out like you're trying to be the next Arnold Schwarzenegger, throwing around hundreds of pounds when you think nobody's looking? Nobody's going to believe you're in too much pain to work when you walk around looking like a freaking tank! I have anxiety attacks about work too, but mine revolve around going to work and having to deal with people like you.
2. APOSTROPHES!!! Seriously, how did you guys EVER graduate? I hate to burst your bubble, but every little plural word in the English language does NOT need an apostrophe between the singular word and the 's' that follows. In fact, NONE OF THEM DO! There was a store in Bluefield that I passed daily on my way to and from work. I wanted to go off on these people SOOO bad. The name of the store? Pet's and Thing's. Even the biggest car dealership there was guilty of it! Their bulletin on the freaking highway said they were the largest dealership "in the two Virginia's". HOLY CRAP. Go back to grade school and DO NOT COME OUT until you can punctuate correctly.
3. Emails. I swear, if I get another email telling me to enlarge certain body parts that I DON'T HAVE, I'm going to hunt the people down who are sending them and rip their arms off and beat them to death with them. Actually, probably not. I'd LOVE to send them every single useless piece of junk mail I can get my hands on though. I do get a lot of mail addressed to me as "Mr.", so it makes me wonder...but come on! Last time i checked, i had the OTHER parts. i've HAD the other parts for almost 30 years now!
4. White boys who think they're black. Seriously dude, YOU'RE WHITE. really pale ghostly white. poorly imitating ebonics, wearing your pants down around your knees and your baseball cap on all cock-eyed won't change that fact. you just look like an idiot. take all your little blingy crap off, pull your pants up, put a freaking belt on, and fix your stupid hat, or if that's too much for you, take the stupid thing off.
5. the neighbor who revs his engine every day for an hour. dude, really? gas is $3.29 a gallon, for starters. and unless it's a ferrari or a lamborghini, i'm not impressed. i'm annoyed. stop.
6. i already covered this in an earlier blog, but it bears repeating. PEOPLE WHO GOSSIP INCESSANTLY. i admit, i'm guilty of the occasional "holy crap, did you know...", but i have a life. that does not revolve around what everyone else is doing. and i really wish people would get a life that didn't revolve around what I'M doing. i'm not that interesting. really. i already told you, when i DO get married and have a baby, i'll take out a full-page ad in the paper for you people, since you seem so concerned with my life. until then, BUTT OUT. like the great hank williams said, if you mind your own business, then you won't be minding mine.
7. i know i'm guilty of having a little bit of a lead foot myself, but this next one is huge for me. it's people who drive too fast. now, i'll be the first to admit i used to think i was invincible and thought my car had wings when i was younger, but i mostly grew out of that. but when i'm going down the interstate with my family in the car, and we're doing 70, 75, and some idiot comes up and flies around me like i'm going BACKWARDS, that's just too much. that's just STUPID. do you have a death wish? i sure don't! going that fast to get wherever you're going isn't going to be worth it when you don't even make it! it's just careless, reckless, and puts everyone in danger. and i really don't appreciate you putting me and my family in danger just because you're in a hurry. leave earlier!
8. BUT, on the other side, i also have a huge irritation with people who drive too SLOW. i know the speed limit on the main roads here from one town to the next is 55. it's ok to do over FORTY. i promise. i REALLY hate people who do 40 on the curves when you can't pass them, but then speed up to like, 60 when you come to a straight stretch to make it almost impossible to pass them. and then, there are the ones who drive really really slow and keep slamming on their brakes trying to get you to rear end them so they can sue you and get money and get rid of their crappy cars. yeah, you do that. go riiiiiiiiiiight ahead. i can guarantee you're not going to like what's going to happen if one day you should succeed.
9. WELFARE. now, i have no problem at all with using it as a temporary solution if you have no other choice. that's what it's there for. but when it's month after month, year after year, and we're busting our butts working to pay taxes to support YOU, i have a HUGE problem with it. stop popping out the kids (there's a little something call birth control, people! you should try it!), stop taking your welfare checks and buying beer with it (or pills, in this town), and do something! stop complaining about being out of money at the end of the month. stop complaining about the government and your checks. you're lucky you live in a country where the government DOES this for you. if you don't like it, GET A JOB. get a job anyway. i'm tired of supporting you.
10. sperm donors. especially ONE in particular. that's all i'm going to say about this one. those of you who know me know EXACTLY what my thoughts are on this one.
so there you have it. round one. i'm about halfway through my list, but i thought i'd give you a break to let you process this one. as for me, i was right! i feel sooooooooooo much better. i'll be sleeping like a rock tonight! i should do this more often!!
posted by ~kiley at
1:37 AM
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