Slow Down

Larry said something to me today that made me stop and think about how much I've changed...somewhere along the way. He said "you don't get in a hurry for anything". And you know, I don't. Not anymore. I used to be balls-to-the-wall, going, going, going constantly. I thought about this all day, and evaluated myself. I do that a lot lately, staring down the barrel of THIRTY. I realized this: I slowed down. Simple as that. Life (God, mainly) has taken so many people from me, some way sooner than I think they ever should've left. I think that's slowed me down greatly. Almost to the point of crawling. It wasn't even a conscious thing, but looking back I feel like I was "running too fast to see what life's all about" (Chris Ledoux quote...God Bless Chris Ledoux!).

There was a time I was so restless I couldn't sit still for all the money in the world, and I got bored so easily that I never had one single solitary relationship make it to a year...hell, most didn't even make it to the 6-month mark. I just knew I had to go. Had somewhere else to be, something else to do. It took losing most of the people in my life (one way or the other, though most through death) that THIS is where I need to be, THIS is what I need to be doing. This is what life's about. These are the best days of our lives. When you think about it, these are the ONLY days of our lives. We don't get a do-over. One shot...that's it. So yeah, I don't get in a hurry. I've gone from being the hare to being the tortoise. And that's ok with me.

Larry often comments that he worries I'll get bored with him and our little day-to-day routine. And time was, I would've. But now, it's this ordinary life that I cherish. The little things...the good morning kisses, the calls throughout the day to check in, walking in the door in the evening to this beautiful, wonderful, complicated life. And I know I'm being...melancholy, maybe? Philosophical, definitely. But I'm definitely not the person I used to be. I'd like to think I'm better. I LIVE. Granted, I may not jump off the New River Gorge Bridge, or out of airplanes, but I can tell you what Larry's deepest fear is, what Bailey's greatest wish is, who Chaney's current crushes are...it's the little things. To me, that's what matters. That's possibly the scariest thing of all: opening yourself up and letting someone REALLY know you, REALLY love you, through the good, the bad, and the really freaking ugly. That's living. That's definitely worth slowing down for. Because you don't know how many of those "I love yous" you have left.

Here's that Chris Ledoux song. It's called Slow Down...obviously.

Well I used to laugh with an old friend till the busy world pulled him away
Every now and then I see him again, but he's not the same man I knew yesterday
His smile just grows smaller and smaller and the worry lines fill up his face
But lately I'm thinking the next time I see him just what I'm gonna say
Slow down, man in the mirror slow down
You're running too fast to see what life's all about
This world ain't a fire for you to put out
The best times are here and now...slow down
Some days I look back on the hard times, and they really don't seem all that bad
Well I've got to admit I like what I've got but God I sure love what I had
And it's only on top of the mountain after burning your life at both ends
You look back to see where you want to be is exactly where you've always been.