who am I?

i never questioned it all through my turbulent teenage years. i never gave it a second thought at any time during college, and actually kind of felt pity for those who did. but here i am, almost 29 years old, unemployed with a masters degree living in an absolute hellhole, and one thought keeps pounding my brain...who the hell am i? and what do i want to do with my life? and i honestly have no answers. if i did, i'd do something about it. i have a masters degree. but yet, i can't find a job.

i think i may have royally screwed myself along the way by leaving those other jobs after only a few months. but in my mind, i thought (and still think) i had very legitimate reasons for leaving. but you don't see those reasons on resumes. all you see is the time of employment...all but one job wasn't longer than 6 months. so, sitting here being unemployed, sleeping half the day and just lounging around the house all day is making me feel pretty worthless. but i've applied for...probably around 8 jobs now, and haven't gotten a single call about any of them. so something's not working for me.

i talked to larry about it, and he helped me feel a little better by trying to place some of the blame on himself for wanting to move here, but it was a decision we made together. and he says he doesn't have a problem with me staying home. i do clean and wash dishes and do the laundry and cook, so it's not like i'm just laying around watching tv all day. but still, i don't feel like i'm contributing financially to this relationship and that he's having to carry us, and that bothers the hell out of me. i haven't worked in 3 months. i haven't been unemployed for 3 months since i finished school! i'm losing my freaking mind. i'm gonna end up being a stripper at the strip club. at least they make good money! :-P