how i feel today...

anybody else?

Daddy, can you see me?

I look to the heavens for some kind of sign, for you to tell me that I'm doing fine. And every night when I kneel down to pray, I wonder if you hear me say...Daddy, can you see me? Daddy, can you hear the words I say? My life has changed since you went away, and I need to know that I'm doing ok. I've done all I can to make you proud...Daddy, can you see me now?

It's been 5 years to the day since you died. You were the one person in my life I thought I'd never lose, but we can't stop the hands of time. I'll always be your little girl, and you'll always be my HERO.

Miss you Daddy...love you forever.

401

...never pictured every minute without you in it...you left so fast.

I'm gonna live my life like every day's the last. Not a simple goodbye, it all goes by so fast. And now that you're gone, I can't cry hard enough, no I can't cry hard enough. I can't cry hard enough for you to hear me now. Gonna look back in vain, see you standing there. But all that remains is just an empty chair. And now that you're gone, I can't cry hard enough, no I can't cry hard enough. I can't cry hard enough for you to hear me now.


Bobby Hammons
September 19, 1972~October 28, 2004

beautiful...

This is what kept me occupied for the past week. I miss it already...

I'm baaaaack!

Miss me? I had a great time, except for the drive. That was hell. But along the way I learned some things. Actually, this past week has just been one big learning experience. I should be a genius by now! Here are the highlights. Read and enjoy. Feel free to comment.

1. Little Clear Creek is bigger than Big Clear Creek. (I don't get it.)
2. Newport News traffic sucks.
3. I probably seriously would lose my head if it wasn't attached.
4. Getting chased by a crab isn't very fun.
5. Sand gets VERY hot in 110 degree weather.
6. OBX sand hurts.
7. All you have to do is walk along the beach...or apparently anywhere in the remote vicinity of sand...and sand gravitates toward your body like a magnet, especially along your hairline.
8. Big black guys wielding long pipe/bat looking objects walking out of dark alleyways in the middle of the night are apparently FRIENDS with the local police.
9. I either need to a: stop putting things in my pockets, b: check my pockets more often, or c: really make a better effort to remember where I put things (see also #3).
10. Apparently I really do actually have a very hard head. However, the knots would disagree.
11. I need to be put in a bubble. ASAP.
12. You CAN go backwards on the exit ramp in VA. I personally witnessed this. More than once.
13. ...and, as an addendum to #2, I have learned that ALL TRAFFIC IN VA SUCKS. At least from Richmond to the Outer Banks and vice versa.

I'm sure I probably learned a LOT more, but the knocks to my noggin have wiped them out (see #10). So alas, those are the main ones. Can't wait to see what happens next!

so much for that!

This is what appeared on my desk at work this afternoon. What a FINE MESS I've gotten myself into! And I was trying to get OUT of it! Well CRAP.

Let's Be Us Again

I really screwed up. I know that. And all I can say is that I'm sorry. You have no idea how much. I miss you like crazy. Tell me what I have to do tonight, cause I'd do anything to make it right. Let's be us again. I'm sorry for the way I lost my head. I don't know why I said the things I said. Let's be us again. Here I stand, with everything to lose. And all I know is I don't want to ever see the end. Baby please...I'm reaching out to you. Won't you open up your heart and let me come back in. Let's be us again. Look at me, I'm way past pride (come on, I'm putting this on a VERY PUBLIC webpage!). Isn't there some way that we can try to be us again? Even if it takes awhile, I'll wait right here until I see that smile that says we're us again. Baby baby, what would I do? Can't imagine life without you...

Three Strikes

Ok...you trashed UT, and I let that slide. That was strike one. THEN you had to go and trash Peyton Manning...that irritated me. Strike two. But when you went and trashed Tennessee and the people who live there, NEVER EVEN HAVING BEEN THERE, now that pissed me off. Strike three, you are OUTTA HERE. My mom's family has been there since around 1819, if not before. And most of them are still there. So I have almost 200 years of Tennessee running through my veins. So trashing the place is not a smart idea. Especially not if you're ever hoping of having any kind of relationship with me. And then, after pissing me off, and KNOWING that you've done it, don't call and act like nothing happened and say you want to spend the evening with me. And don't call me every 15 minutes for hours at a time. I DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO YOU. I don't want to talk to pompous, overbearing bastards who have no idea wtf they're even talking about! Ok, I'm doing ranting for today. Just had to get that off my chest. KDH, FOUR DAYS! Can't freaking wait. I'm thinking...give me 2 pina coladas, I need one for each hand. Give me 2 pina coladas, I SAID GOODBYE TO MY GOOD TIMING MAN!! And I'm not referring to the one I just mentioned either, but a certain other player who used to have more control over me than he ever needed to have. What was I thinking?!?

Pour me a vacation!

Soooo freaking stressed out. I swear, I feel like that cat that you always see pics of with its hair sticking up everywhere and this pissed off look on its face. There's one thing that would help immensely, but I've got too much pride to be the one to give in. Oh freaking well. And I so want to start being funny on my webpage, but I'm too tired to care at this moment. I'll be funny later. Right now, I think I need to go to beeeeeeeed...Tiff, CAMO! Oh, and dude FREAKS ME OUT! It's not even cool! Do I have a sign on me somewhere that says STALK ME...I LIKE IT?

YAY!

One more thing to add before I fall asleep...GO JUNIOR! About damn time! Good job, baby! :-) THAT'S MY MAN!

28 days

Someone once told me that if you do something for 28 days, it becomes habit. Wonder if you can apply this to people? Like, if you spend 28 days with someone, will they become something of a habit for you? Or on the opposite end of the spectrum, if you're letting someone go, if you don't speak to them for 28 days, have you let them go? From past experience alone, I'm inclined to say no to that one, but whatever. I remember actually trying this once, actually. With G-Man. After doing so well and not speaking to him or anything, wouldn't you know on the 28th day I ended up right back where I started? I mean, it did end eventually, and it's over now, but daaaaaaaaang, it was a long hard road. T, I was pleasantly surprised that Gunner and his buddies were so good to Chaney at the lake today. No, it doesn't change anything, for the most part. Actually kind of makes it even more difficult, given that he was so good to her. Hmmm...and no, Peter didn't call, but that's probably a GOOD THING, given the mood I was in and what I was about to do. Don't want to do something I'll regret. At least...something ELSE I'll regret. And I've learned something. I've been reading others' posts lately, and theirs are just FUNNY. Mine is just DRAMA. I'm a funny person! I make people laugh! So why can't I have funny posts? I just suck.

HA!

It will never happen, cause he will NEVER LET IT GO. Hell, GB still has his penis! At least I got my crotch back!!! Peter, you had BETTER answer your phone tonight. I'm on one of those moods...

All I Ever Needed Was You

You're the only time my life makes any sense. I can't imagine my life without you in it. And I don't want to have to. I don't need to ever be rich or famous. I just need you to love me. Even you have to admit that through all the laughter and the fights and tears, we've had a lot of good years. And I want to have a lot more. I've come to realize that I'll never get over you. And I don't want to have to. This world is insane. You're my sanity. Granted, you drive me insane sometimes, but when I need you most, I can always count on you to be there for me, even if you're far away. You've had so many chances to just up and walk away, say that you've had enough. But you didn't. You stayed by me and we made it through. All I ever needed was you.

Happy 4th!

Hope everyone had a Happy 4th! Mine was ok, except it was tainted by the knowledge that I have to go back to work tomorrow. UGH. Long weekends are BAD. They make me wanna never work again. At least not for awhile. I'm just feeling all upside down inside out. No clue what to do. And the weirdest thing...while I was taking a shower earlier, someone from my past suddenly popped in my mind. Out of nowhere, I suddenly thought of Parker. Where'd THAT come from? For those of you who don't know or don't remember, Parker was a brief moment of amazing insanity my 2nd year of grad school. I fell hard and fast for that boy. He was awesome. That is, until he DUMPED ME ON MY BIRTHDAY to get back with his ex. That was incredibly NOT awesome. So I moved on and started dating Travis, and Parker decided he wanted me back. OH FREAKING WELL. Although, looking back now, I wonder how things would've turned out. No regrets. But I do wonder what it'd have been like if I'd gone the other way. But I'm glad I went the way I did. My time with Travis was absolutely amazing, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. My only regret is that I wish I'd treated him better. Wouldn't have changed the way the story ended. We just weren't meant to be anything more than what we were. But I'm just absolutely floored that Parker crossed my mind. Well, not so much that part, but that these...feelings, or whatever they might be, came along with that memory. Wasn't expecting THAT. Oh freaking well. He was a 6 day vacation 3 years ago! Hope he's doing well, in spite of the fact that things didn't end well between us. I should probably mention that we somewhat tried again after Travis and I broke up, but that one didn't work either. So that's when I just chalked it up to a necessary life experience, packed up, and moved on. And until now, never looked back. Funny how your heart works, though...

well ok then...

Last night was just full of disappointments! Right from the start! Those Erotic City Male Revue guys were just not even worth it. One was, but the other 2 were just blah. And WHAT was up with G-Man, Tiff?? That was just very unlike him to call and call and call and harass me and all that! He's not supposed to even care or realize that I'M GONE. So why does he? And why does he care so much that I've moved on and met someone else? And someone tell me WHY he kept wanting to talk to this guy. Tiff, can you answer this for me? You know him. He's just weird. That's all there is to it. But what he doesn't realize is that MY GIVE A DAMN'S BUSTED. *sigh*...Heaven help me. And I don't even want to talk about the other disappointments. Not even going to fool with it. But I guess all in all it wasn't so bad. I mean, hell, I didn't even get home till 6 am! Couldn't have been that bad. Gonna go catch up on the race.