Fire in the hole

Let me start this post by saying WOW. I just noticed that this makes the 2nd post in the same month! I'm doing GREAT. The reason behind this post is the fact that I just noticed something totally absurd in my kitchen. Have you ever read those emails with stupid warning labels? Yeah, I found one of my very own. I don't usually pay attention to detail, being so wrapped up in my own little world, so this would've come up long ago if only I paid attention. But, better late than never, huh?

I was standing in my kitchen earlier doing something with the microwave. My guess is I was nuking something, but I honestly couldn't tell you. Sometimes I just stand there and pretend to look busy, I think. Who knows. Annnnyway, I noticed a box of chewy Atomic Fireballs sitting on top of the microwave that I've had for literally months. At least 3, I'd say. Well, until this moment I never noticed the warning label. And I swear to you, if the puppy hadn't chewed up my battery charger cable for my camera, I'd take a picture just to prove it. Don't ask me to do it with my cell phone; I have no freaking clue how to use that alien piece of crap. But that's another tangent. I caught, out of the corner of my eye, and bright yellow triangle-shaped warning label at the bottom of this box. It says, and I swear to you: Caution: Extreme Heat! Oh, and there's a pretty little campfire looking graphic too.

Hmmmm...do you see where I'm going with this? I have 2 thoughts. The first is, they're not really THAT hot. The second is, ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? They're called ATOMIC FIREBALLS. Not...Icy Melons. The name itself implies heat of some degree. I want to know who the idiot is who bought these and was like, 'daaaaaaaaaaang, these are freaking HOT!' 'Cause you know that same damn dumb idiot probably brought a lawsuit against this company for that very reason, prompting this warning label. Because that's the jacked up country we live in these days.

So, the moral of the story, in case you didn't know: ATOMIC FIREBALLS ARE HOT.

Countdown to 30...EEK!

Shocking! It's only been 2 months since my last post! I'm getting better! I still don't really have anything to say. I'm TRYING to find a job. I've applied for 3 in the past 2 days...does that count? In any case, I now have my substitute license, so when school starts, I can at least do that until something better comes along. Like that's gonna happen.

Here it is...less than a month until I turn the big 3-0. Ugh. I want to be a fine wine and get better with age, but I feel more like...oh, I don't know...bread. I feel moldy. I have moldy buns! :-P

So yeah, I have a 13 year old. And it is DEFINITELY showing. There's no misataking her age now. She does her best every day to prove why some animal mothers EAT THEIR YOUNG. I love her to death, but one of two things is gonna happen: either one of us will not survive this, or I'm gonna be the size of a freaking blue whale by the time she turns 18 from stress eating.

I've also come to the conclusion that I'm bipolar. I have these awesome mood swings (although not so awesome for those around me), I'm up, I'm down, I'm happy, I'm mad, I'm depressed, I'm tired...most of the time, all at once! Oh wait...that's not bipolar...that's being a WOMAN! But you know what they say. Behind every bitch is a man who made her that way.

Life's just been a box of chocolates lately...or a jar of jalapenos, rather. Spent $1800 on a car that we bought from a guy who works with our next-door neighbor. A 95 Honda Civic. This car was awesome. Larry got 40 freaking miles a gallon! Then, one day, 2 months later...the car just dies. ??? Come to find out, the sorry sonsabitches GLUED the crankshaft to the freaking engine! So yeah, the engine's unfixable (is that a word? it is now). So, we looked into putting a new engine in it. Idiots took a 1.6 liter engine and crammed it into a 1.5 liter car. It just gets better and better! The cheapest 1.6 we could find was $850, and a new crankshaft with everything that's needed to put it in runs about $500. So I'm driving the damn thing off a cliff. Not really, but we are getting rid of it. That's a painful lesson. DON'T BUY ANYTHING FROM SOME STUPID RANDOM PERSON. That's your advice for the day. Of course, y'all probably already knew that, but we were desperate and we thought our next-door neighbor would be a decent guy. Hell, he may not even know, I don't know. I guess one of the guys who works for him coulda put the engine in, but there's no way you could miss a glued in crankshaft!!

And of course, the day after we find out all this about the car, Larry has a dr. appointment. He leaves in the Jeep, so I could take the Kia and take the kids swimming, since all the stuff was already in it. He gets down the road...has a flat tire. Brings it back, trades me cars, and goes on about his way, now late. I called the dr and let them know. They were great about it. We go swimming at our favorite little swimming hole, and it comes time to take Chaney to majorette practice. I grab the Kia and leave, and he takes the other keys. I get all the way back home, only to realize HE TOOK THE WRONG KEY. I still had the Jeep key, but he took the HOUSE KEY! I sat there for about 10 minutes getting royally pissed, wondering where the hell he went. I thought he took he key on purpose. I HAD TO BREAK IN MY OWN DAMN HOUSE. Scary thing is, I know how easily it can be done. Finally got ahold of him on his cell, and realized that he didn't have the Jeep key at all, so he'd been sitting at the swimming hole for an HOUR now. All I could do was laugh. What else can you do in that situation? You can either beat it or let it beat you. You have to laugh or you'll drive yourself and everybody else insane. Murphy's Law, baby. That's all I can say. When it rains, it freaking pours!

So that's that. Just keep waiting to see what comes next. I'll keep you posted. :-)