One More Day

Last night I had a crazy dream. A wish was granted just for me, it could be for anything. I didn't wish for money, or a mansion in Malibu...I simply wished for one more day with you. One more day, one more time. One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied. But then again, I know what it would do. Leave me wishing still for one more day with you. Ten months gone...a lifetime left to go. Miss you always, love you forever.
RGH
1972-2004

A Rock and a Hard Place

I've come to the conclusion this week that a guy can't win with me. I'm a freaking horrible person! Gunner had made plans a long time ago (apparently) to go with some friends to some kind of race in Ohio next weekend...WHICH JUST HAPPENS TO BE MY BIRTHDAY. He told me he was trying to get out of it, but I was like, no, go with your friends, I'll be fine. We argued about this for about 30 minutes. Well, now that he's decided TO GO, I'M PISSED! OMG! IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! I'M HIS GIRLFRIEND! That is WRONG. Any other day, any other weekend, I wouldn't care. But out of the 365 other days of the year (sometimes 366) WHY THAT DAY? Why MY day? I'm trying really hard to keep myself calm, but it's not only that. He's leaving on September 13th for 15 weeks of basic training. I won't get to spend any more Saturdays with him before he leaves! He's got them all booked up! I want him to have a life and be with his friends, but weekends are the only times I have off to spend any time with him before he leaves! And under normal circumstances, I'd spend that time with him AND his friends, but I can't. I don't have a ticket to this race on the 3rd, and I also don't have a ticket to the game on the 10th...NOT that there's any way in HELL I'd ever go to a WVU game stone cold sober and willingly. Am I wrong for telling him to go, then get mad cause he's going???

Pitter Patter...

I had to take this time and congratulate Seth and Cassie on their new little one. I know I'm gonna spell this wrong, but hey, I'm posting to you guys! Cut me some slack! This is little Chloey Renee Louden, born at 1:10am on August 23, 2005, weighing 6 pounds, 4 ounces, and 19 inches long. Welcome to the world, baby girl. Good luck with big brother...you're gonna need it. :-)

Pissing off the cops

I might have to use these on the cops I know, particularly Jared and Ty...I think they'd just LOVE me. lol...I like this list. Here are my top 10 faves:

1. When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you wanted to race. (which would SO be me)
2. After you sign the ticket and give it to him, say "Oops, wrong name!" (but they know me...that wouldn't work...)
3. Bribe him with doughnuts, and when he agrees, say "I'm sorry, I just ate the last one. (Yep...me again)
4. Before you sign the ticket, pick your nose. You have to sign with his pen.
5. When he's telling you what you did wrong, start repeating him quietly.
6. Mumble to yourself (hell, I could carry on a conversation with myself!)
7. When he asks to inspect your car, say "There's no alcohol in here. The last cop got it."
8. Try to sell him your car.
9. When he pulls out his nightstick, ask him what he's going to do with it.
10. ASK IF YOU CAN BORROW HIS UNIFORM FOR A HALLOWEEN PARTY. (yes, i would, and Jared would probably let me).

I could have sooooooooo much fun picking on these guys, but I know they could get me back VERY easily, and MUCH worse. lol...besides, I might need them next time I'm on call to help me deal with the crazy people! Better be nice...

I believe in Peter Pan!

:-P But JJP, I told ya...Michael Jackson ruined Neverland for me. It'll never be the same. Anyway, realized I hadn't posted in awhile, so I wanted to stop and say hello! My life is full of drama, as usual. And I'm exhausted. But I wanted to share this pic with you. :-) Happy days. This is us yesterday at Hills Creek Falls. MMmmmmmmmm baby. Didn't know I'd gotten as attached as I had until I lost him...but the cool thing is he got just as attached and just couldn't stay away from my big bad beautiful self. :-P

Stress

...and here I am, back with yet another list! This one is "You Know You're Too Stressed If..." and here are my faves:

1. You have an irresistible urge to bite the noses of the people you are talking to.
2. You and Reality file for divorce.
3. Trees begin chasing you.
4. You believe if you think hard enough, you can fly.

And my favorite:

5. ...You begin to talk to yourself, then disagree about the subject, get into a nasty row over it, lose, and refuse to speak to yourself for the rest of the night.

*sigh*...if it weren't for stress I'd have no energy at all...Enjoy!

Now and Forever

Ok, I'm going to be a little sentimental for a moment, but do NOT for ONE minute think I'm changing anything. By some sheer miracle I managed to get Gunner back, and BY GOD this time I'm keeping him! This is just my little way of letting go and saying goodbye to the 5 years I devoted to J. So deal with it. I love this song. Now and forever, you are a part of me. And the memory cuts like a knife. Didn't we find the ecstasy? Didn't we share the daylight? When you walked into my life. Now and forever, I'll remember all the promises still unbroken. I think about all the words between us that never needed to be spoken. We had a moment, just one moment, that will last beyond a dream, beyond a lifetime. We are the lucky ones. Some people never get to do all we got to do. Now and forever, I will always think of you. Didn't we come together? Didn't we live together? Didn't we cry together? Didn't we play together? Didn't we love together? And together we lit up the world. I miss the tears, I miss the laughter. I miss the day we met and all that followed after. Sometimes I wish I could always be with you, the way we used to do. Oh, now and forever, I will always think of you. Now and forever, I will always be with you.

Like I said, don't think for a minute I'm giving up what I've got for what I'll never have. I'm not gonna lie...I'll love J forever, and he'll always mean the world to me, but that part of my life is over and done. This past week proved that when my heart chose another path for me, and I decided to take it.

Crazy in Love

I printed this list off iVillage today...swear I could WRITE THE BOOK! It's about 20 surefire relationship wreckers. My top 5 personal faves (and most likely things I've done) are:

1. Call him repeatedly.
2. If he doesn't call back, email him.
3. Ask him once a week, "So, where do we stand?"
4. Fixate on the future.
5. CRITICIZE HIS MOTHER (yep, I KNOW I've done this one and learned the hard way that no matter how much of a bitch HE thinks she is, YOU'D better think she's nothing short of perfect and absolutely amazing.)

I've decided I like lists. Lists are goooooooooood. I have lots of lists these days...

And Tiff...there's a good chance I'll end up insane. But...what's this? A second chance? And yes, everyone in my life is amazed that a guy has finally made me forget about J. Nobody ever thought it would ever happen. But for the first time in a long time, I don't care. For the first time in FIVE years I haven't been with him over homecoming, and I really couldn't care less. FIVE years, and not a damn thing to show for it. I'm done. Besides, I found someone I want more. Thing is, does he still want me? I'm finally ready to give all of me to him without holding anything back for anyone else, but is it too late?

that was a close one...

With regards to Earl Thomas Conley...I loved him because he was there, and I knew all along that it wasn't fair, but I didn't care. Then I got the hell out of there...that was a close one. I kept my freedom intact, got rid of the hassle and rid of the flack, yeah I cut me some slack. And I never thought I'd want it back...that was a close one. That was a close one, and if I'd handled it right, he might've got away with my heart, so I played it smart...that was a close one. But I kept my cool, never let down my guard...that was a close one.

Growing up...

I do believe my 10 year old just got her first phone call from a boy. Which is scary, but it was rather comical. It went something like "Is Chaney there?" "Yes, this is she" "Ok, I gotta go, bye." Hmmmm...sounds about like MY phone conversations! lol...I wanted to share this pic with you...my little majorette. Growing up so fast. Amazing.

Thank you

I've said it before, and today especially, I say it once more. There's a hole in my heart in the shape of you, Mom... cause no one will ever love me like that again. It's been 11 years to the day since you left me. So much has changed. Wish you could be around to see us all growing up, growing old, growing bigger with each new addition. But I can still feel your arms around me now and then. I never said thank you for putting up with me for 15 years, so I'm thanking you now. Rest in peace. I miss and love you.

Kiley is...

Borrowed this from Stephanie, who borrowed it from...oh, never mind. Anyway, here's what you do. Go to Google, type in "(your name) is" and see what comes up. Pick your top 10 faves and tell people! Let's see what we get for my big bad name...hopefully we can come up with 10 with my oddball name!

1. Kiley is Marketing Editor at Businessweek (dang, I got smart)
2. Kiley is less afraid of abject and unnecessary physical pain (hmmmm)
3. Kiley is not as stupid as we've all been led to believe (told you so)
4. Kiley is the Commissioner of Transport for London, England (dang, I get around)
5. Kiley is an energetic reporter (translation=ADHD)
6. Kiley is closely monitored by a government minder (so that's who that is...)
7. Kiley is the crazy one (dang, people know me better than I thought!)
8. Kiley is featured on the MTV's Spankin' New Magazine (then where are my royalty checks???)
9. Kiley is curious by nature and fairly easygoing (translation=nosy and drunk)

and my FAVORITE:

10. KILEY IS AMAZING. (at last, someone realizes how magnificent I am. :-)

oh, and Stef, mine only had about 9,110 results. I had less to choose from, but I liked my choices! I'm actually surprised I had that many.

Blah

My aunt died Saturday. I've come to the conclusion that from at least July 29 to August 25 of every year from now on, I'm going to run away and HIDE. That month will not exist in my mind. Keep in mind that this has all happened in different years, of course, but off the top of my head I can think of all this: my dad died on July 29, my aunt on July 30, my grandfather August 5, my mom August 10, another aunt on August 21, and my sister on August 25. So I DON'T LIKE THIS TIME OF YEAR! I'm really starting to feel like a long-lost Kennedy relative. We seem to have death in common. Anyway, yeah. So much for that. And while I AM sad that my aunt passed away, I'm actually happy for her, if that makes any sense to anyone. She had a long, full life, and she even told me 2 years ago that she was ready to go and was basically waiting on God to take her. There's absolutely no doubt in my mind that she went to Heaven, and if our loved ones really are there waiting for us, she's right in the middle of a big ole family reunion. So while yes, I will miss her being here, I can't be that sad because I know she's happier than she's been in a long time, if ever. So it's all good. Rest in peace Sis, and say hello to Mom and Daddy for me.