This world is going crazy...

...and I don't mean in a good way. What in the world is going on?!? There are poor kids being bullied to death (literally), people killing each other senselessly, suing each other if they even breathe wrong (and winning, at that!)...I mean, really? This world won't stand long if this is how it's gonna be. When I was in high school, my biggest enemy picked on me about the size clothes I wore (It's not what you think; I was insanely skinny, but she would argue with me and tell me I wore smaller than I actually did). That was my problem. These days kids are seriously being tortured, to the point of taking their own lives. When did things get this bad? And who the hell are the parents who allow their children to act this way? THEY need to be held accountable. But they're not, for some reason. Why? I just don't get it. I am raising my kids to be decent people, to treat others with respect and do the right thing. But apparently I'm in the minority. What am I supposed to say to them when they come home from school and wonder why Sarah or Joe or whoever was mean to them or disrespected their teacher or whatever? I understand that teenagers have drama; that's part of being a teenager. But when it crosses the line, someone needs to have the authority to step up and do something if the parents aren't going to.

The Last Ten Years

Dear Daddy,

Tomorrow makes 10 years since God called you home. Ten whole years. Some days it feels like a lifetime, some days it only seems like a week. Whether it feels like 10 days or the 10 years it has been, I still hurt just as bad. There are days I miss you so much it hurts to breathe. Even the little things trigger all these emotions that just completely overwhelm me. Even now, after all this time, I'll see things that I would LOVE to tell you about, but can't. I know you're in a much better place, and I wouldn't want you back on Earth for all the money in the world, given all your suffering, but the pain of you being gone is almost unbearable some days.

I'm doing ok, in spite of myself. But I don't know who I am without you. And I say it every year, because every year passes and I still haven't figured it out. I'm still trying to figure out how to exist in this world where you don't anymore. I wasn't ready to let go then, and I still can't let go now. I can still feel your hands, still smell your aftershave. I can still feel you. You were the best father any little girl could've ever dreamed of having. I remember how I never wanted to get married because that meant I'd have to leave you, and well, that just wasn't going to happen. You were my hero. You ARE my hero. At the risk of soundy corny, you were the wind beneath my wings. I can't fly without you.

I remember praying so hard for so long, hoping God would let me keep you just awhile longer. And when it got really bad, I remember praying that God would just take you and end your suffering. I was holding your hand the night He did. For the first time in almost 22 years, that hand didn't hold mine back. That was the most heartbreaking thing of all.

You were my biggest fan, and Heaven knows I was yours. I still am. I'm thankful for every single second I had with you...every moment made me who I am. I just hope I made you proud. I love you. Forever.


Always,
Your little girl

Still looking...

Have you read my blog today? Three hundred million little USAs...

Yes, I'm well aware that it's been over a year...guess I had issues. Someone told me that I'm not important enough to have a blog and think people will actually care and that no one really wants to see my life out in cyberspace for the world to see...and this person was right, I guess...but for me, it's therapy. I feel better to get it out, so deal with it. That's the great thing about this country...I'm free to do it, and you're free to ignore it. :-) Love it!

I know they say you can't go home again, but I just had to come back one last time...

Been missing my childhood a lot lately. A lot. Not just my childhood, but I guess the whole growing up time of my life. We spend half our lives hurrying to grow up, and the other half wishing we were children again. I just want to go back to a simpler time. Being a grown-up sucks...who came up with this bright idea? Whoever it was should be shot. I just feel out of sorts...I lost me somewhere along the way. I need to find myself...so I guess I found "what the hell I'm looking for", but I have no idea where to find it...

Rest in Peace

The Firefighter's Prayer

When I am called to duty, God, whenever flames may rage
Give me strength to save some life, whatever be its age
Help me embrace a little child before it is too late
Or save an older person from the horror of that fate
Enable me to be alert and hear the weakest shout
And quickly and efficiently to put the fire out
I want to fill my calling and to give the best in me
To guard my every neighbor and protect his property
And if, according to my fate, I am to lose my life
Please bless with Your protecting hand my children and my wife.
Author Unknown

Rest in Peace, forever.

Johnnie Hammons
Timmy Nicholas

You're in the arms of the angel...may you find some comfort here.

Change has come...

...in so many ways. Yeah, I realize it's been a LOOOONG time since I wrote anything. I decided to stop blogging until I had something to actually blog about. And as luck would have it, I finally do. I'm employed! Officially, completely employed! Yay me! As of Feb. 2nd, I will be an employee of the State of WV. Those of you who know me know that a government job has long been one of my dreams. And it's soooo nice to see a dream come true.

You know what else is nice? Seeing our new President hit the ground running. I have to say, I'm impressed with his first 24 hours. Hopefully he keeps the momentum going through the next four years. He won't be able to fix us in 4 years, but hopefully he can stop the downward spiral.

AND...it's nice to get on a computer that WORKS. Mine worked ok, but for some reason, in the past few weeks, it just was NOT cooperating. Came to the conclusion that it was a memory problem, so I bought some more RAM to install. Knock on wood, but my computer seems to be running perfectly now...FOR now, that is.

And yes, Stef, if you're reading this, I'm STILL working on that '25 random things' list. I'm up to #21 now, though...Almost there. And I too have been spending waaaay too much time on Facebook. But give me a break! This is my first week on the site...I have to explore!

spread the wealth!!!...???

I'm stealing this from Stephanie, because I couldn't agree more. I'm so plagiarizing the hell outta this! Love you Stef!

From CNN:
Barack Obama: “It’s not that I want to punish your success, I just want to make sure that everybody who is behind you, that they’ve got a chance at success too,” Obama told the plumber. “My attitude is that if the economy’s good for folks from the bottom up, it’s going be good for everybody. If you’ve got a plumbing business, you’re gonna be better off if you’ve got a whole bunch of customers who can afford to hire you, and right now everybody’s so pinched that business is bad for everybody, and I think when you spread the wealth around, it’s good for everybody.”

So… to all my friends that make more money than I do… I’ll be looking for you to send me a check. Since you make more than me, you should help me out - and it will be good for us both.

Stef's website also has a quote from Abraham Lincoln, who is/was my favorite prez...which I'm also stealing. But is it really stealing if you're putting something someone ELSE said that another person has on their site? Yeah, I didn't think so either.

“That some should be rich, shows that others may become rich, and hence is just encouragement to industry and enterprise. Let not him who is houseless pull down the house of another; but let him labor diligently and build one for himself, thus by example assuring that his own shall be safe from violence when built.”

the last ten years...

so here it is, the last day of my 20s. i know age is just a number, but i don't know. it just feels...different. like, my youth is officially leaving me. i still remember when 30 was old. i still think 30 IS old. and i was having a conversation with myself, as i typically do on the nights larry is working, thinking about football. i was cussing the ucla quarterback. thought, that #$%#%^# kid. and i laughed that i called him a kid. and then i realized he IS a kid. according to the scout.com webpage, he was born in 1985. i was in like, 3rd grade when he was born. so yeah, i have every right to call him a kid. and then i realized i'm TWELVE years older than most college freshman this semester. *sigh*. i need to quit realizing things. i'm gonna check myself into a psych hospital on wednesday if i don't. so, as i'm off to bed, here is the list i've been diligently working on. my twenties. the last ten years. they started in 1998 (hard to believe) and end tomorrow. i'm sure i've left plenty off, but i think i hit most of the highlights. enjoy.

1998—I met Kendra, who to this day is my nearest and dearest girlfriend.

1999—I got my Associate’s degree, started ETSU, turned 21, and my sister Brenda died. Moved. I left my family for the first time to go to a school approximately 171 miles away. My family moved from TN back to WV, which put me even farther from them.

2000—my dad died. L Moved. Started my senior year of college and met Nikki, Nicole, and Stephanie, 3 of the greatest girls EVER!

2001—I got my BS from ETSU and started grad school at UT. GO VOLS! Moved. Went to my first UT game…HEAVEN! Met Rachel, Vandaly, and a lot of other great people I still talk to from time to time.

2002—Lots of firsts this year…lived alone for the first time in a dungeon apartment in Knoxville. LOVED IT. Flew in a plane. LOVED IT. Flew ACROSS COUNTRY. Also…LOVED. Saw the ocean for the first time in Santa Cruz, CA. LOVED LOVED LOVED.

2003—graduated UT with my Master’s degree, probably had a quarter-life crisis, due to moving back to WV. Haha. Got an awesome graduation present—a trip to Daytona Beach. First time I ever saw the Atlantic. Got my first after-graduation job at a mental health center.

2004—bought my very first car ever, solely in MY name. A green Pontiac Sunfire. We had some good times. Took the first “family vacation”. Four of us went to Myrtle Beach…such a blast.

2005—Chaney turned TEN! Left one mental health job for another. Moved. Went to the Outer Banks. Another great time.

2006—fell in love, got engaged in Washington, DC. Left mental health for good (hopefully), and started at a private Christian counseling agency, then left it to go to a nursing home. Moved.

2007—Left the nursing home job for an awesome job as an academic coach in a middle school in Va. Went back to Myrtle Beach. Larry’s brother Bobby died. Lost my best friend. Moved. Got my Trixie puppy. I love her!
2008—Chaney is THIRTEEN!! obviously, turned THIRTY. Geez! Haven’t moved…yet. Got another puppy…Daisy. *sigh*