Why
Fate has a way of changing, just when you don't want it to...
Dumb of me, I know. But I'm curious as to what it means. Does my heart know something I don't? Or maybe that I don't want to acknowledge? I thought I was past it. Thought I'd let it go about 8 months ago. So why, faced with what I was, was my heart so broken? If that's how it's really gonna be, I'm glad it wasn't reality, but only a dream. Which again, brings to mind...does my heart know something I don't? Why that particular dream? Why now? I let it go. Or at least, I thought I let it go. Apparently, some part of me didn't. Most dreams fade soon after waking. Not this one. It has stayed with me way too vividly. Especially the pain I felt. The pain was so real, I feel it even now, hours after waking. I keep asking, as I've already done several times here...why this? Why now? Why him? Basically...just...why?
I give up trying to understand me, so a warning to all of you out there: if I don't understand me, what makes you think YOU can?!?!
Dumb of me, I know. But I'm curious as to what it means. Does my heart know something I don't? Or maybe that I don't want to acknowledge? I thought I was past it. Thought I'd let it go about 8 months ago. So why, faced with what I was, was my heart so broken? If that's how it's really gonna be, I'm glad it wasn't reality, but only a dream. Which again, brings to mind...does my heart know something I don't? Why that particular dream? Why now? I let it go. Or at least, I thought I let it go. Apparently, some part of me didn't. Most dreams fade soon after waking. Not this one. It has stayed with me way too vividly. Especially the pain I felt. The pain was so real, I feel it even now, hours after waking. I keep asking, as I've already done several times here...why this? Why now? Why him? Basically...just...why?
I give up trying to understand me, so a warning to all of you out there: if I don't understand me, what makes you think YOU can?!?!
posted by ~kiley at
7:53 PM
1 Comments:
In my life I have found it IS easier to see someone else rather than to delve into the relms of your own physche. when looking at yourself you have perceived notions and those that are realistic. the realistic perseptions are not always what we want to believe. so sometimes it takes an outside point of view to see things how they are. when I first started talking to you I was going through a severe disruption in my life.. the loss of love. it was a very difficult time lots of questions. the biggest was "why" I never did get an answer to that question that satisfied me. but I did come out of that experience as a better, person. whole as opposed to split. you are such an amazing person kiley I recognized that fact from the first conversation with you. and as I got to know you better the more amazed I became. you are tremendously strong getting hit by blow after blow and still bouncing back to take more.you need to realize how very rare you are as a person. in asking questions of ourselves, I believe we grow from the questions. life is growing in spirit and mind,and also becoming at peace with the ideals or values we hold dear. personally i think these questions you ask are healthy and normal. i want you to know that even though we dont talk regularly you are in my thoughts and dreams. take care kiley.....there are guys out there who do care and recognize truely special people such as yourself
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