...like you've never been hurt
"The best way to love is to love like you have never been hurt." ~Unknown
So I've heard...but I'm finding that as Larry and I grow closer and this thing becomes deeper and more real, that's hard for me to do. Because I HAVE been hurt. I've been lied to, cheated on, beaten, and left. I know Larry didn't do any of those, and he swears he never will, and while my heart believes him, my mind keeps going 'but that's what they said too'. I trust him, I do. I'm 99% sure he wouldn't do any of those...but there's that little 1% that knows he's capable, whether he does or not. I need to get past that. How? I'm the therapist here! I should know this! How is it I can help everyone else, but I can't do a damn thing for myself? I CANNOT lose this guy. I'm not going to let any doubts and fears I may have over what the other losers have done cause me to lose someone who may very well be 'the one'. I never understood what it meant to 'just know' when someone is right for you and that you're going to marry that person, but amazingly...and almost scarily enough...I'm feeling it with this guy. Unlike anything I've ever felt before. Whatever those other feelings were, nothing ever remotely came close to this. I'm amazed, and I don't ever want this feeling to end. Just to warn you guys, I'll be sending wedding invitations at some point. ;-) Just so you're not surprised when I say I TOLD YOU SO. That is, unless my occasional doubts and fears SCREW IT UP. I'm working very, very hard on that, though. I keep chanting over and over, 'he didn't do it...they did'. Most of the time it helps, but there are always moments where I think anybody in the beginnings of a relationship stops and wonders how long it's going to last, where it's going to go, things of that nature. Or...maybe not. Maybe I'm just the neurotic one, which is entirely possible. Hmmmm...
So I've heard...but I'm finding that as Larry and I grow closer and this thing becomes deeper and more real, that's hard for me to do. Because I HAVE been hurt. I've been lied to, cheated on, beaten, and left. I know Larry didn't do any of those, and he swears he never will, and while my heart believes him, my mind keeps going 'but that's what they said too'. I trust him, I do. I'm 99% sure he wouldn't do any of those...but there's that little 1% that knows he's capable, whether he does or not. I need to get past that. How? I'm the therapist here! I should know this! How is it I can help everyone else, but I can't do a damn thing for myself? I CANNOT lose this guy. I'm not going to let any doubts and fears I may have over what the other losers have done cause me to lose someone who may very well be 'the one'. I never understood what it meant to 'just know' when someone is right for you and that you're going to marry that person, but amazingly...and almost scarily enough...I'm feeling it with this guy. Unlike anything I've ever felt before. Whatever those other feelings were, nothing ever remotely came close to this. I'm amazed, and I don't ever want this feeling to end. Just to warn you guys, I'll be sending wedding invitations at some point. ;-) Just so you're not surprised when I say I TOLD YOU SO. That is, unless my occasional doubts and fears SCREW IT UP. I'm working very, very hard on that, though. I keep chanting over and over, 'he didn't do it...they did'. Most of the time it helps, but there are always moments where I think anybody in the beginnings of a relationship stops and wonders how long it's going to last, where it's going to go, things of that nature. Or...maybe not. Maybe I'm just the neurotic one, which is entirely possible. Hmmmm...
posted by ~kiley at
12:24 AM
1 Comments:
You can do it girl!! I know exactly what you are going through. I am doing the same thing. It's been almost 4 months since Carlos and I have been together!! I still feel the same way..but still have my fears!! I too know he's the one!!
Miss Ya!!
Nicole
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