At odds...

I was alone in the dark, never let down my guard. Closed the curtain on my heart so the world could not see all the demons in me. Told myself I was free, then you showed me how wrong I could be...

My opening up...is pushing him away. How do you fix something like that? When I talk about something that's bothering me and that I need to get off my chest, the poor guy gets all weird on me thinking I'm putting up walls and pushing him away. The way things are going now, I'd be a complete dumbass to push him away. If I do screw this up, I have no one to blame but myself for being alone and miserable. Here's this amazing person wanting like crazy (for some insane reason) to be with me...how in the world could I ever let that go? I finally found someone who isn't afraid of commitment, is dying to be with me, and who is very extremely capable of falling head over heels in love with me, and wants to give it every chance in the world! As happy as he's already making me, there's no way I'd ever walk away. I guess it's just going to take time, because it seems to me that we're both waiting for the other shoe to drop. It can't be this good, I can hear both our heads saying. No way it can stay like this. Our pasts have done a number on us. But I for one refuse to let those losers win. They are not going to have that much control over me, especially now. I'm not letting them ruin what may very well turn out to be the best thing I've ever had. We're gonna get through this. We're gonna do it. My heart tells me so. This is going to be amazing. Wait and see. And one more disturbing, yet extremely comforting fact:

My family approves. At least, they act like they do, and say good things.

This in itself is unheard of. They've never liked anyone before...EVER. Hmmmm...do they know something I don't know?