...for a little while...

*we were so long on love, but short on time...*
~Tim McGraw, For A Little While

well, this was one hell of a weekend, that much is for sure. walked into the bar saturday night, not a care in the world...looked to my right, and the very FIRST person i saw was the one person who ripped my world apart 6 1/2 months ago without even an explanation or goodbye. the night just went downhill from there. granted, i got some answers, but truthfully, part of me thinks i would've been better off never knowing. just letting it go. i thought i was over him. now i'm not so sure. some things i wish i'd never heard. but then again...no matter what else happens in my life from this point on, i know without a doubt for sure and certain that at least once in my life i was really, truly loved. and that in itself is an amazing feeling. i feel like a tumbleweed on a tilt-a-whirl. part of me is just like, let it go and walk away. it will always be a 'what might've been' moment. but another part of me isn't so ready to let him go. it wasn't over. i wasn't done. but i wasn't given a choice. but the question is: do i want to put my heart out there again? i can't trust that he won't get scared and run again. given his track record, i'd say the odds are pretty damn good. my heart absolutely cannot go through that again. but right now, my heart can't seem to let him go either. right now though, all i can give him is my friendship. we'll see what the future holds. but i do know this: it's gonna take something major to get me back. likely nothing less than a big fat engagement ring, and right now is extremely iffy if that would even work. *sigh*...drama drama drama. i need a vacation from my life.