...when penguins live next door...

aaahhhh tiff...last night felt absolutely AWESOME. i didn't know i had it in me. although i did pay for leaving him there like that later in my dreams, but hell, dreams i can deal with...all i have to do is wake up! yay for me! granted, it wasn't the hellacious payback i'd been dreaming of, but BY GOD, it was something. it was 4 weeks in coming, and it felt GREAT. at least now he knows (i hope) that i'm not kidding, and that it really is over. i'll be his friend, but that's ALL i'll be. as long as i'm stuck in this stupid pissant town, i might as well. it'd sure make things easier on me to have him as a friend than as an enemy. i have enough of them in this stupid place as it is, for some reason that i still haven't figured out. the only thing i have to say about that is that i'd rather be hated for who i am than loved for who i'm not. i didn't ask to be pretty, i didn't ask to be smart, and i didn't ask to have this crazy funky personality...but i'll be damned if i'm gonna change who i am because some immature bitches are jealous. if they'd just let go of that jealousy and lighten up a little bit and LET IT GO, then they'd love life too. but tiff, thanks for always being my friend and having my back. don't know what i'd do without you. these battles are mine to fight, but it helps to have the support. girl, you are my crutches that hold me up, the rock that helps keep me grounded, but also the air that lifts me up. you have no idea how unbelievably thankful i am that in this crazy mixed up insane world where nothing ever stays the same and the only thing you can seem to count on is things changing and people hurting you and leaving...you're still there, and you've always been. hope you always are. here's to 16 amazing years...can't wait to see what the next 16 will be like, 'cause these have been UNREAL.