random...
Let me start by saying Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, all that jazz...'cause I'm lazy and whatever and missed it. OHHHHHHHHHH well. Nope, didn't have anything better to do, just didn't feel like sitting down and doing THIS. And didn't know really what to even say, because MY LIFE SUCKS. But hey, I'm alive! That's all that matters.
honestly have no idea what I'm actually blogging about...just felt like doing it. It seemed like a good idea at the time! I don't know...my thoughts are going in about 80 different directions, and it's 1:07am and as usual, I'M NOT SLEEPING, so here I am. Yay you!
I hate this town. I hate everything about it, I do believe. It is sucking the absolute life out of me. I feel like a shell of the person I used to be. I used to feel so alive and be so friendly and outgoing and couldn't stand to stay home. What happened to that person? But then again, what are you going to do in Richwood, go to the pool room? A row of fools on a row of stools...no thanks. Once upon a time, maybe, but there was a teensy weensy bit of life left in this old joint back then. I swear, for my sanity and mental health, I HAVE TO GET OUT OF THIS TOWN. It's taking its last breaths, and it's taking a piece of me with it, a day at a time. I've applied for FIFTEEN jobs since I've been back, and haven't gotten a single stupid freaking one of them. That should be my first clue.
I feel so completely lost without my best friend. I still have Kendra, the other one, but she lives in Tennessee and I haven't even seen her in 4 1/2 years...Ken, we definitely need to make plans to get together! I've never even seen Mollie! Dude! But with the other one, I don't even know who that person is anymore. We're nothing but strangers. Every day I have a moment where I think...or wish, whichever the case may be...that we could work things out, but then I think about everything that's happened and the choices she made, and the time and distance, and I just don't see how things could ever be even remotely close to the way they were. Which, is amazingly painful. There's an enormous hole in my life where she lived, that I'm not sure anyone else will ever fill. Nobody knew absolutely everything about me, and how I felt and what I thought about everyone else in my life. I can't pick up the phone and call Kendra and talk about someone from grade school that I ran into and what she said. I mean, I guess I could, but it's just not the same. The history, the roots, aren't there. I guess that's just a hole and a pain I have to learn to live with. But it isn't fair to me to HAVE to deal with it. I'm not the one who asked for this. But I'm the one who gets the raw end of the deal. Life sucks sometimes, doesn't it?
I heard on the radio that Bush Baby is proposing an economic stimulus bill...or something. I have one thing to say about that. It's a proposal of my own to stimulate our economy. Ready? STOP SENDING ALL THE JOBS TO MEXICO (and whatever other foreign country they're going to)!!!! Duh. Genius!
I also saw where the US troop cuts in Iraq may slow. Now, have I been under a rock? I wasn't aware we were cutting any! How can you slow them down when you're not bothering to cut them at all? And don't even get me started. I'm sure, like millions of other Americans, can say plenty about this fiasco. But I won't. This isn't the time or the place.
I've been with Larry for almost 2 years now, and we haven't even begun to plan our wedding. No date, no location, no nothing. And I don't even care. We rushed into this thing at warp speed. I'm taking my sweeeeeeeeet time to make sure that we can put up with each other for life. Because when you marry the wrong person, forever is a liiiiittttttttttttle too long. And my family has already told me, "now you do remember that we don't divorce in this family, right?" So yeah, I'm gonna be the big screwup. If 'till death do us part' has to be a goal I set for myself, then I at least want it to be a pleasurable one to achieve. Although, at times, I'm the first to admit that this thing seems like something out of the freaking Shining. I want to make sure this is the person I want to be shackled to for life before I put on 'the world's smallest handcuff', 'cause apparently, it ain't ever coming off!
I guess that's it. My mind suddenly went blank. The clock hit 1am, and my mind just went WHOOSH...I think that's a good thing. Maybe I'll be able to sleep now, without feeling schizo. And I could do without the dreams too, but I have no idea how to stop myself from having those, so I guess those will just make for more blogs...probably very strange and demented, but interesting ones!
honestly have no idea what I'm actually blogging about...just felt like doing it. It seemed like a good idea at the time! I don't know...my thoughts are going in about 80 different directions, and it's 1:07am and as usual, I'M NOT SLEEPING, so here I am. Yay you!
I hate this town. I hate everything about it, I do believe. It is sucking the absolute life out of me. I feel like a shell of the person I used to be. I used to feel so alive and be so friendly and outgoing and couldn't stand to stay home. What happened to that person? But then again, what are you going to do in Richwood, go to the pool room? A row of fools on a row of stools...no thanks. Once upon a time, maybe, but there was a teensy weensy bit of life left in this old joint back then. I swear, for my sanity and mental health, I HAVE TO GET OUT OF THIS TOWN. It's taking its last breaths, and it's taking a piece of me with it, a day at a time. I've applied for FIFTEEN jobs since I've been back, and haven't gotten a single stupid freaking one of them. That should be my first clue.
I feel so completely lost without my best friend. I still have Kendra, the other one, but she lives in Tennessee and I haven't even seen her in 4 1/2 years...Ken, we definitely need to make plans to get together! I've never even seen Mollie! Dude! But with the other one, I don't even know who that person is anymore. We're nothing but strangers. Every day I have a moment where I think...or wish, whichever the case may be...that we could work things out, but then I think about everything that's happened and the choices she made, and the time and distance, and I just don't see how things could ever be even remotely close to the way they were. Which, is amazingly painful. There's an enormous hole in my life where she lived, that I'm not sure anyone else will ever fill. Nobody knew absolutely everything about me, and how I felt and what I thought about everyone else in my life. I can't pick up the phone and call Kendra and talk about someone from grade school that I ran into and what she said. I mean, I guess I could, but it's just not the same. The history, the roots, aren't there. I guess that's just a hole and a pain I have to learn to live with. But it isn't fair to me to HAVE to deal with it. I'm not the one who asked for this. But I'm the one who gets the raw end of the deal. Life sucks sometimes, doesn't it?
I heard on the radio that Bush Baby is proposing an economic stimulus bill...or something. I have one thing to say about that. It's a proposal of my own to stimulate our economy. Ready? STOP SENDING ALL THE JOBS TO MEXICO (and whatever other foreign country they're going to)!!!! Duh. Genius!
I also saw where the US troop cuts in Iraq may slow. Now, have I been under a rock? I wasn't aware we were cutting any! How can you slow them down when you're not bothering to cut them at all? And don't even get me started. I'm sure, like millions of other Americans, can say plenty about this fiasco. But I won't. This isn't the time or the place.
I've been with Larry for almost 2 years now, and we haven't even begun to plan our wedding. No date, no location, no nothing. And I don't even care. We rushed into this thing at warp speed. I'm taking my sweeeeeeeeet time to make sure that we can put up with each other for life. Because when you marry the wrong person, forever is a liiiiittttttttttttle too long. And my family has already told me, "now you do remember that we don't divorce in this family, right?" So yeah, I'm gonna be the big screwup. If 'till death do us part' has to be a goal I set for myself, then I at least want it to be a pleasurable one to achieve. Although, at times, I'm the first to admit that this thing seems like something out of the freaking Shining. I want to make sure this is the person I want to be shackled to for life before I put on 'the world's smallest handcuff', 'cause apparently, it ain't ever coming off!
I guess that's it. My mind suddenly went blank. The clock hit 1am, and my mind just went WHOOSH...I think that's a good thing. Maybe I'll be able to sleep now, without feeling schizo. And I could do without the dreams too, but I have no idea how to stop myself from having those, so I guess those will just make for more blogs...probably very strange and demented, but interesting ones!
posted by ~kiley at
1:02 AM
1 Comments
