the night before life goes on

...that's a song sung by carrie underwood on her cd. i've had this cd since it came out (technically chaney has it, as she LOVES to remind me) and somehow that song skipped me until yesterday. yeah, i know all about the night before life goes on. had several of those. been thinking a lot about the past lately. not that i want to go back, just...reminiscing, i guess. it's good for me. i've heard it said 'don't look back unless you intend to go that way'. apparently a man named marc holm said that. i for one would have to disagree. looking back helps us see how much we've grown and changed and how far we've come. well...it should, anyway. i guess if you're stuck in this rut going nowhere, looking back might not be such a good idea. then again, maybe it's the push you'd need to make the change. but in most cases, i think it could be very productive. those are my deep thoughts for today. :-)

i'm also very upset these days. i had a cat, a wonderful precious angel named chunk (because as a kitten she was twice the size of her siblings). this cat has been my shadow for over 3 years now. she was there to cheer me up when i was down, to comfort me when i was hurt, all that good stuff. i liked this cat better than a lot of my family members, ok? that's how much this cat meant to me. well, i'd always assumed that she'd stay with my sister until i could get somewhere where i could have pets, then she'd come live with me again. my sister informed me this week that she's moving this weekend, and i "need to get rid of chunk". wtf? soooo...tiff couldn't take her, 'cause tiff's eyeball deep in cats thanks to me anyway...i gave her jazzy last fall, and jazzy had kittens earlier this year. so i posted a bulletin on my myspace and this guy in webster says his wife loves cats and that they were interested, could i send pictures. well, ok, sure. to make a long story short, they fell in love with her, i guess, and the next day they came and got her. first of all, i didn't even get to say goodbye to my baby, and second of all, my head is still spinning. i'm thinking...wtf just happened??? then, when i was already upset to the point of crying myself to sleep that night anyway, chaney calls and says 'guess what? we're not moving now. and you gave chunk away." wtf you mean you're not moving??!?!? i gave my baby away...and YOU'RE NOT MOVING. my mind is just chanting this over and over like a broken record. and so now, on top of being heartbroken over losing chunk and worried about how she's doing, i'm now immensely hurt and just furiously angry. now she's stuck somewhere i don't want her to be with people i don't even know and i'll never see her again...and it's all for nothing. she didn't have to leave. i should've waited to see what was going to happen. i didn't think my sister would change her mind THREE days before she's supposed to move. i feel like this cold, heartless bitch. i feel like i just booted my cat out the door for no reason at all. chunk will never forgive me and she'll hate me forever. i know some of you are probably like, it's just a cat, what's the problem? but if you've ever had a pet, especially one you liked more than your family members, then you'll know what i'm saying. i feel like i've just kicked a family member out of the family. and i guess i have. :'-(

i suck so bad...

I was just reading Stef's page...thanks for the congrats last month, btw, and I realized that I'm such a loser. She has time to post regularly even given her hectic schedule. Me? I'm a big ole bum, basically, but I never post anything. I guess maybe because it feels like I don't really have anything to say. Most of the drama has died down in my life, but then again, after this past weekend I realized one thing: it got replaced by a LOT more drama...named Larry. I also realized that this past weekend was the first time I've heard him introduce me as his fiance, which makes me wonder 2 things: has he not introduced me like that before, given that we've been engaged 1 1/2 months now, and, do I really not listen to him that much to NOT notice how he introduces me? In either case, something's messed up. Ohhhh well. I guess it's better that I start listening to what he's saying now, rather than never, huh? Hey, it sounded good.

We've just been doing our own thing, getting settled into our house. I always wonder why we're doing all this crap to fix the place up when it's just a rental and we don't even plan on staying anyway. But I guess it's because we want it to look nice for however long we ARE here. Somedays it looks like it'll be forever. The money situation isn't good right now, but hopefully that'll improve before too long. It better...I have a wedding to pay for! Not to mention if I want to have a honeymoon somewhere.

I'm thinking about selling Avon products...specifically the mark ones. Would anyone out there be interested in buying them from me if I decided to do that? I figure I can do it on my own time, at my own pace, and pick up some extra cash, if it works out well. I need to do something, that's for sure. So far, since June 20th, I've only brought home $811. I used to bring that home biweekly at my other job! Who knows...any suggestions?

hello from my new computer!

Hello all. Finally got a nice new computer that works, so I decided to say hello and let you know I'm still alive. Just been working on marketing stuff, trying to drum up business so I can get paid. Not much going on, just the day in, day out stuff. Slowly moving stuff down here to big ole Bluefield. As far as living here, I'm all settled in. Figuring out my way around more and more. Can't believe it's already August...by the way, HAPPY 2ND BIRTHDAY, EMMA FAITH! I can't believe my fathead is 2! Wow...where does the time go? It's pretty sad when you're lying in bed and you can't sleep at something like 2am, and all of a sudden a huge booming thought pops into your head...OH MY GOD...WHEN DID I BECOME AN ADULT??? That was scary. I was thinking about bills and my job and stuff, and WHAM...there it was.

Saw pics from my 10-year reunion, which was this past weekend. I conveniently skipped it. The way I see it, I didn't like these people in high school. If I wanted to see them, I'd have kept in touch over the years. And I didn't, so I'm sure not gonna pay money to see them now. And seeing the pics just reinforced that. I didn't miss much, and I don't regret not going.

...so that's that. It's a freaking oven in this room, so I'm going back into my nice cold dark room and going to sleep. Toodles!